Worst Toys Ever!

Okay. So I know I put way too much thought into things sometimes and overestimate the importance of certain kid related issues. But, I cannot manage to go to Toys ‘R Us without being completely disturbed by the toys on the shelves. So, I’ve decided to start sharing these horrors with my friends and family (though you probably hear me rant about them all the time anyways - anyone remember my fury at only finding pink butterfly soccer goals for my daughter? darn those gender role stereotypes!).

Worst Toys #1 - Ultimate Aggression. Yes, that’s the name of the toy. Not some sarcastic name I gave it. It is some WWE or WWF action figure for boys. And his name is ULTIMATE AGGRESSION! Seriously? Regular aggression isn’t enough for impressionable young boys? Nope. They need the Ultimate version. Don’t even get me started on why any parent would want to encourage their child to imitate the antics of steroid guzzling wrestling superstars. I’ve decided I am going to give all of Kai and Ivy’s potential boyfriends questionnaires that specifically ask if they ever owned this toy. A yes gets then an automatic denial to date my girls.

Worst Toys #2 - Digital Makeover. Yep, one for the girls! A computer program that allows girls ages 5 and up to scan pics of themselves in and - of course- completely change their entire appearance. Because it’s never too early for self-loathing!

What’s next? Girls plastic surgery programs? I can see the ad now, “Why wait for puberty when you can design the body you’ve always wanted? Simply scan in your photos and enhance your figure to match your favorite Barbie doll! Comes with a convenient print option that allows you to take the photos to your mommy’s favorite plastic surgeon! Ages 3+”

These toys are in addition to the HORRIBLE Bratz dolls that I am convinced were designed by Satan himself. What could be better than giving little girls some over-sexualized stripper dolls to play with? They even have their own cartoon where these Bratz babies (and I mean babies as in toddlers) walk around in belly shirts and platform shoes. To steal a quote from Will Ferrell in Zoolander, “Come on! Am I the only one who sees this? I feel like I am taking Crazy Pills!”