Firsts.

Last week was a big week of firsts. So big I didn't have the chance to blog them. Luckily I did remember to capture them on film.

Kai's first day of Kindergarten:



First Daisy Scout Meeting:


I'm officially the mom of a Kindergartener & a Daisy Scout. How did my baby girl suddenly get so big?

Kindergarten Readiness: A rant.

Kai is scheduled to start real Kindergarten next month. And I've got all of the usual mommy worries about Kindergarten. Add into that the fact that we suspect Kai is dyslexic (not just me, but our pediatrician as well & there is a family history of it) and I've been really nervous about the whole thing.

But, my girl is super smart. Okay, I know every mom thinks their kids are smart. So, whatever. But she is. For real.

Still she had to take the Gesell Assessment before Kindergarten enrollment. And I was freaking out. In my mind I built it up to be more like a test of my parenting of her. Did she learn enough from me? Did I do a good job raising her? This test would give me the answers.

What it gave me was even more questions. About education. About childhood development. About whether or not I could even hack being a parent of an elementary school kid.

Kai was ecstatic about the test. She loved the teacher (who was awesome!) and the questions she got to answer. I felt at ease about the whole thing. I just knew Kai had "aced" the test. The test that meant I was a wonderful, outstanding perfect parent of this precious 5 year (and 2 months) old girl.

(I should mention that I do know that this was a developmental test. That there was no way to "ace" it. I'm just being honest about that scary competitive streak that lies deep within me.)

Then we got the results. Kai, despite being 5 years 2 months old, supposedly had the developmental age of a 4 1/2 year-old.

No. Way.

Because she can tell me how many continents there are. And name them all on a map. She converses with adults better than she does with kids sometimes. And she uses words like marvelous and glorious and conundrum (and she knows what they mean). She asks big huge questions about God, the universe and everything in between. She can remember the most minute details from trips we took 2 years ago. And she never forgets a face. She's a creative problem solver. A brilliant (and persuasive) debater. She is unwavering when she sets her mind to something.

But...

She has only just now picked which hand she writes with. She can write her name but not as well as her 5-year-old counterparts. And sometimes she writes it as a mirror image. Not backwards, but a complete mirror image. She is clumsy with a pencil and unsure of herself when writing letters. And this, it seems, makes her developmentally 4 1/2 years old.

I was told to enroll her in Kindergarten "with caution." If I listened to the test I'd have to wait until she's almost 6 1/2 years old. And, folks, that just isn't happening.

Here's the list of skills required for a Kindegarten student:

* Listen to stories without interrupting
* Recognize rhyming sounds
* Pay attention for short periods of time to adult-directed tasks
* Understand actions have both causes and effects
* Show understanding of general times of day
* Cut with scissors
* Trace basic shapes
* Begin to share with others
* Start to follow rules
* Be able to recognize authority
* Manage bathroom needs
* Button shirts, pants, coats, and zip up zippers
* Begin to control oneself
* Separate from parents without being upset
* Speak understandably
* Talk in complete sentences of five to six words
* Look at pictures and then tell stories
* Identify rhyming words
* Identify the beginning sound of some words
* Identify some alphabet letters
* Recognize some common sight words like "stop"
* Sort similar objects by color, size, and shape
* Recognize groups of one, two, three, four, and five objects
* Count to ten
* Bounce a ball

I can give her a big fat check mark beside each of those. And yet the "problems" she had with the test were that she couldn't write her last name for the teacher, had trouble writing some of her numbers, and held her pencil clumsily. I mean, since when did kids need to be writing academic papers to get into Kindergarten?

I know Kindergarten now isn't the way it used to be. It isn't about playing and learning how the world works through fun. To use one friend's description of it, Kindergarten today is "intense." Seven hour school days. Homework four nights a week. Five sentence paragraphs by the end of the year. Intense.

But I can't help but wonder if much of this is an attempt to beef up the test scores in an educational system that fails many of its students? And if forcing kids to fit into narrow guidelines contributes to that failure? I wonder if Einstein would have been able to fit so neatly into a box? I'm not saying my girl is Einstein (and I'm definitely not saying she couldn't be), but I am saying that defining a child's ability to learn with such narrow testing leaves out some very intelligent kids.

This whole experience totally reinforced my belief that homeschool was going to be the best fit for Kai. By schooling her at home we'll have the chance to work at her pace. She can do Kindergarten reading and writing and Second grade science if that is what she needs. She'll have the chance to participate in subjects to the extent that she is ready and capable while being challenged in a way that encourages confidence and security in her own abilities.

So she's enrolling in a local homeschool academy one day a week despite the warnings that she may not be ready for the big bad world of Kindergarten. Because I know she is ready. And I know that if I wait a year and enroll her at the age of 6 1/2 she'll be bored out of her mind.

But I've learned something very important here. That I am my daughter's strongest and best advocate. That I know her capabilities better than any test ever can. And that I'm going to have to be vigilant in fighting that she get what she needs from others because no one else will.

(Updated to add: I thought I might need to clarify that on the test she scored in the 5 1/2 - 6 year range on everything BUT the writing portions. Her verbal, social, & categorizing/matching skills all placed her in the older range. But, since the test was so heavily influenced by the writing they averaged her age out to be 4 1/2 years.)

I guess that's just one more thing that goes along with being a mom. Now, let's just hope I'm as right as I think I am.

In the meantime, I'd love to know about how others handle similar situations. Have you had to fight on your child's behalf for the treatment they deserved? Any tips for the rest of us?

You changed me.

5 years ago I cradled you in my arms for the first time. I looked into your eyes. Kissed your precious face. And became a mother for the first time.

I love you, my precious baby girl. Happy birthday.

Parenting hurts.

I am not remotely ready to handle certain aspects of parenthood.

I'm not ready to think about letting my kids out into the world on their own where I can't protect them from all the scary bad guys.

I'm not ready to watch them realize the world is often unfair and unjust.

And, as I discovered yesterday, I am nowhere near ready to watch them fumble through awkward social encounters with kids who will try to wreck their self-esteem.

It simply hurts too much to see it happen.

Yesterday we were at a video shoot for a local ministry. They needed some kids to be in the video and my girls were invited. It was a fun experience for them and everything went well until Kai discovered the "big" girls who were also part of the shoot. And like any little girl, she just loves big girls and wants so badly to be around them.

The scene that unfolded as a result broke my heart. They girls couldn't have been older than 10 or so, but to Kai they were practically grown-ups.

Kai enthusiastically approached the bigger girls and tried to get them to notice her.

"Hey! Do you like my outfit. It's my Nina's outfit. Well, not my Nina's outfit, but she gave it to me. I mean, she bought it and had it at her house and then she helped me get dressed today. So, anyways, do you like it?"

The girls only response? They rolled their eyes and started laughing at her. And Kai covered her face with her hands and walked away.

At which point a part of my heart broke away.

Honestly, my face got hot and my eyes teared up and for the first time I realized that I would never be able to protect her from feeling small or silly or unwanted in a social setting. I've always known that there are mean girls out there who will hurt her feelings or belittle her and that no matter how fiercely I want to protect her it will be impossible. That was my elementary school & middle school experience every single day. But to see it happen to my little girl right in front of me and to be powerless to do anything about it nearly did me in. Especially while I'm high (or low) on post-partum hormones.

Luckily I was able to soothe her heart and build her back up in time to send her back out to play with the other, smaller kids. But that was this time. What about next time? How will I protect her from mean kids? How will I prevent these types of things from crushing the beautiful vibrant spirit she has and that she tries to share with everyone she meets?

It hurts to know that this is part of growing up. And that it won't be the last time I have to see her hurt because of a mean kid. But, I'm hoping (and praying) that God will give me the wisdom and sensitivity to handle these occasions with a spirit that will turn these into experiences that make her a stronger more compassionate child.

How have you handled bully problems with your kids? Have you had to deal with physical and/or emotional bullies? How do you make sure your child walks away stronger than before?

It's snowing?!?

I can't even count the number of snow predictions we've had this winter that never turned into anything but disappointment. So, when the weather man called for snow on March 1st (after a 60 degree day just two days prior) I didn't even bother telling the girls.

And, guess what??

SNOW! In Georgia! In March!







And last, but certainly not least, Kai finally got her wish to make a snowman this year. Sure, he was only about 6" tall and she had to use sunflower seeds for eyes but she was beyond thrilled!

One down. One to go! **updated**

We had a big night at the Loving house.

Last night, for the first time, Thomas pulled a tooth. I mean, he actually pulled the tooth out. Oh, we've lost teeth before. We lost two in July. But this tooth? This tooth was stubborn. And hanging on by a thread. And giving mom the heebie-jeebies with every wiggle it got.

Thankfully, Kai is easily bought off. All it took was the promise of Tooth Fairy loot and a Popsicle and she was on board.

There was plenty of cringing and freaking out and wincing and Kai was actually a little bit nervous, too. But a bit of embroidery floss (purple - of course!) and a few good yanks on the thread and we had lift-off. Literally. It flew across the room and caused a bit of drama, but it was out.

Thank the Lord.

It's next door neighbor is pretty darn loose, too, so I'm imagining we'll be seeing him come out this weekend though hopefully he'll pop out the old-fashioned way. In an apple. Or, better yet, a Sugar Daddy candy bar.

The very best part of all this?

The Tooth Fairy actually remembered to come this time! I must be getting the hang of this mom thing after all...

(Head over to Life is Sweet to see other "Best Shots" of the week!)

**Updated**

So, it turns out we didn't have to wait long at all. Last night after a poorly planned leap from bunk bed ladder to "thinking chair" Kai managed to actually knock her other tooth right out. Let me just say, there was LOTS more blood than the first time but the tears disappeared as soon as her dad reminded her that it meant she'd get more $$ from the Tooth Fairy.

Now, she's got the adorable lisp of a kid who has no front teeth. Which means her dad and I have to try our best not to giggle everytime she exclaims, "Theriothly Guyth!" I need to capture that on video for posterity...

Does this look like a boy to you?

I hate car shopping. Mostly because, and please forgive me for this, I don't like dealing with used car salesmen. They aren't all bad, I know. But there's always one who seems to go out of his way to fit into the stereotype.

Take for example the guy who tried to sell us a minivan a couple of weeks ago. He was so busy trying to sell us the car he didn't bother to notice that I have two girls instead of a boy and a girl.

It grew increasingly uncomfortable as he kept referring to Kai as "little buddy" and "big brother" while I tried over and over again to stress my feminine pronouns and refer to them loudly as my girls.

Finally, when he left us alone for a minute Kai asked me why he kept calling her "buddy."

I explained that he wasn't paying attention and that he couldn't tell the difference between a little boy and a little girl.

She looked at me incredulously and said, "You mean he didn't notice that I don't have a PICKLE?!?!?"

So, I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when he finally got back in the car and she said loudly, "Hey, mister. You know, I'm a girl, right? And I don't have a pickle. Ooookaaaaayyyy?"

Guess he had that one coming.

Kai-versations: Classic Prayer

I couldn’t resist sharing the prayer that she said at lunch today:

Dear God-

Thank you for this food and this family. And, God, please let Sunday be my birthday because I really, really want it to be my birthday.

Amen.


Hey, God, if you’re so inclined I’d really like it to be my birthday, too...

--
From the Land of Lovings archives. Originally published November 27, 2007.

Wordless Wednesday

Yes, this really is what she wears when she goes out in public. And there is NO changing her mind! At least she'll never be accused of being a wallflower...

For more Wordless Wednesday, head over to 5 Minutes for Mom!

Have I mentioned...

what Kai thinks we should name the baby? She is quite opinionated about it.

Last month, she had names from American Gladiators. A girl, she declared, would be called Helga. A boy, The Wolf.

But, then she grew up and moved on to more, um, political names. Guess it's a sign that we've had way too much Fox News on lately.

'Cause if we have a girl she wants to name her Condoleezza. And, if it's a boy she wants to name him...Bush. Bush Loving. Think about it a moment. Bush Loving.

Stop giggling. Can you imagine? Do you realize the beatings that child would get on a playground with that name? Yeah, I'm thinking we're going to avoid that name like the plague.

Though I suppose it's better than Peter or Richard Loving. But, not by much...

Tips for New Parents

Dear First Time Mommy-

I have a little advice I'd like to share. Something I learned the hard way.

That precious little bundle of cuddles and love all curled up in the crook of your arm may not be able to do anything more than yawn and poke her arms out of the carefully swaddled cocoon you've wrapped her into, but trust me on this.

Put up your razors know. All of them. Hide them in places no one will ever be able to find them. Because if you don't, one day, before you know it you'll find that baby at the ripe old age of 4 shaving off her eye brows.

You'll be cleaning the house (read: trying to watch Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D List) and become alarmed at the eerie silence coming from the bathroom. You'll go in there to find your darling baby with eye brows that only go halfway across her brow bone. And, if you're anything like me, it will be less than one week from the family portrait session you've had planned for over 2 months.

So, do your self a favor, and hide the razors now. Before it's too late...

Hair today, gone tomorrow!

Friday marked a big day in our family. It was the day of Kai's first haircut.

Well, not her first cut. She had a trim once when she managed to get a rubber band completely tangled in her hair a couple years ago. But, this? This was a real big girl haircut.

Let me first say, Kai has some difficult hair. It is coarse and dry and hard to manage. It is curly beyond belief. But, oh how she loves having "falling down"(long) hair and refused to have it cut. Here's her before pic. Notice the 80s hair band look and the necklaces, bracelets and ring? She's "dressed up" for her big girl trip to the salon!


After a particularly horrible hair brushing experience (in which she became hysterical and nearly threw-up over having the excruciating torture of having her hair brushed) I decided it was time to cut it short. So, we found a local kid's hair salon and headed over for some pampering treatment. The hairdresser was a wonderful woman who knew just what to do with japanesecaucasianpuertoricanblack hair. She conditioned it, cut it, and topped the experience off with some stick-on earrings and fairy dust.

Of course, it cost $22 which seemed like a great price until I realized I don't even pay that for my own hair anymore since I haven't had a real cut in who knows when. But, nonetheless, I thought it was well worth the money to have a good cut and a very happy little girl!


Still, it got me wondering, what do you do about haircuts? And, how much would you pay for a kid's cut?

The post where my hormones make me way too philosophical about something relatively minor.

First Day of "Real" Preschool (2005)

First Day 2006

First Day 2007

Kai has been a part of this great church preschool/daycare since she was 8 months old. I remember the first day I dropped her off there. She was so little and her teacher took her out of my arms and assured me she'd only cry for a little while. I stood outside the tinted window in her classroom watching her for a few moments before reluctantly heading to work.

And she did get used to the environment there. And she grew to love it. And the teachers became family and we trusted these people to take care of our most precious baby.

Each year she moved into a new classroom. Each classroom became more grown-up than the one before. And she grew from a baby to a little girl.

But, tomorrow Kai will be walking through the doors to this school for her last time as a student there. She will leave behind friends she's known since the age of 8 months to come home for homeschool Kindergarten.

And I am absolutely positively terrified that I am making the wrong decision for her. Because this, I am realizing, is where parenting gets hard.

Knowing what to do when your baby has an ear infection, or a stomach bug, or painful teething is easy. There are concrete and unchanging answers to these problems. Knowing how to potty train, or wean from the bottle, or pick developmentally appropriate toys is something we can all figure out how to do with a little help from Google and our friends.

But these big decisions, the ones where we make choices that affect the emotional, spiritual, and educational lives of our children, the ones where there are no answers to be Googled, no concrete and definitive truth, these are the decisions that define us as parents. And these are the decisions that tear our hearts out every time we make them.

As I sit here, crying on the sofa remembering all of the ways my girl has grown these past 4 years and wondering if we're going to damage that growth with this choice, I know that we are entering into a new phase of parenting. A place where there are no certainties and no absolutes and no way to know whether we're doing the right thing until we're in the thick of it.

I realize that this is the beginning of a thousand difficult decisions to come. I know they are only going to get harder. But, I am thankful that I am blessed with the opportunity to make them. Because these decisions mean we are all growing. They define the direction of my life as much as my children. And I am anxious to see where these decisions take us all...

Faerie Forest Tea Party

**I apologize in advance for how looong this blog post is. I just wanted to document everything 'cause this birthday was so fun and this will end up going in our end of the year blog book!**

I LOVE birthdays. Not necessarily my birthdays, but other people's birthdays are the best. Especially when those other people are ones I am responsible for planning parties for.

So, every year around February I start planning the girls' birthday party. Luckily, their birthdays are about a month apart so we get to cheat and plan one big party for the two of them.

They've had an Asian themed party (complete with Sushi Cake), Luau Party (with Hula Dancers), Pop Art Party (with a paint balloon throw), and now a Faerie Forest Tea Party. This party may just have been my favorite.

This party was a bit more laid back than previous parties 'cause we really didn't plan lots of stuff for the kids to do. We had it in the backyard and just let the Faerie Forest do the entertaining. And, boy did it! The kids stayed busy the whole time.

Here are some pics of the party.

First, the Food.

Aside from the fresh fruit and veggies (Faeries are nothing if not healthy), we had magic pretzel wands

And Garden Cupcakes


And Flower Cakes


And Strawberry Popcorn Balls


For Decor we put up a portable outdoor Gazebo to keep the food under and decorated it with burlap ribbon and craft paper. We kept the whole theme very earthy.

Even our napkins were Garden themed:


And my favorite was the Faerie Garden Thomas built for the kids to enjoy:


We also had a couple pics of the girls framed with signable mats for the guests to wish Happy Birthday to the girls. We've done these for each of their birthdays since they were born and look forward to having a collection of them when they're older.


Now, for the best part. The goodies.

Each guest walked into the garden after visiting these bags of crowns and wands. The sign read "Trooping Faeries gather here/come quick and take a peek/first grab yourself a wand and crown/to join the faeries that you seek!"



The bags were made with hot glue, burlap, ribbon and some cardboard. So easy!

Then they walked down the garden path with their crowns and wands:

Girl crowns & wands:
Boy crowns and wands:

The crowns and wands were made from the cuttings from our Muscadine Vine. I just wove the crowns, hot glued various flowers, ribbons, and leaves onto them and they were good to go. The wands were even easier. They were made from Muscadine Vines and small tree limbs. I just cut them to a good size, wrapped them in gold ribbon and hot glued the ribbon on. Super easy and the kids loved them!

My absolute favorite thing about the whole party was the "Faerie in a Jar" party favor. Thomas designed these Faerie jars for the kids to take home with them. They were awesome! Each one was cut out and mounted inside the jar with a forest background and then we filled the jar with Moss and ta-da! Faeries in Jar. They were a huge hit with the kids and the grown-ups!



All-in-all I'd say the party was a success. We had fun. The kids had fun. And hopefully our guests did, too. Now I'm off to relax and not worry about birthdays again until sometime in October!

Fro' Me to You: Kai's Chair Experience

I'm joining the Fro' Me to You Carnival and I have to say this has to be one of my FAVORITE carnival ideas ever. The whole point is to publish photographic evidence of something in your recent or distant past.

I know I've posted about this before, but I just have to relive one of my absolute favorite Kai moments:


Lest you think me a horrible mom, let me say that she got herself stuck in this chair while I had turned my back to finish cooking. She slid down into the chair but her head was stuck and she couldn't go back out either way.

The picture was taken while we waited for her Uncle Jared to come rescue her from the chair since her Daddy was stuck on the highway in horrible traffic. We had to unscrew the chair and take it apart to get her out. So, since we had all that time on our hands waiting how could I not document this priceless moment?

Head over to THAT Family's site and see the rest of the unforgettable moments...

Happy Birthday to Kai!

Kai's big day was an action packed one! We had the family party at Nina's house last night, a school party today, and our little Loving family party at Kai's favorite restaurant tonight. Not bad for a day that included a trip to the ER, right?

Kai's chosen theme for her school party was Tinkerbell. I picked up a generic pre-made balloon cake from Publix and added some purple icing, silk flowers, and a Tinkerbell candle to create an easy fairy cake. It wasn't a homemade wonder, but it was a good cheat and I think I'll remember that for the future occasions where I need an easy personalized cake.

For a classroom treat, I made fairy wands made from pretzel rods, melted white chocolate and sprinkle stars. They were a HUGE hit with parents, teachers, and kids and something that was easy and fun to make. Unfortunately, I didn't get any pics of the class party but it was fun and she really enjoyed spending the day as the center of the classroom's attention.

Tonight's family dinner at Buca was great since they gave us the kitchen table and made it super special for Kai.



They gathered the whole kitchen and wait staff to sing Happy Birthday, flashed all the lights in her honor, and generally made her feel like a celebrity on her birthday. If it wasn't her favorite restaurant before tonight, it certainly will be from now on!

Four Years

2004

2005

2006

2007

2008

Four years ago your daddy and I spent the night in a small quiet hospital room waiting for the moment that would change our lives forever.

Four years ago you were born into the world in a way that would serve as a sign of your personality: bold, surprising, miraculous.

Four years ago I met you face to face and realized I would never be the same person again.

Thank you, precious girl, for introducing me to a love I could never have predicted the power of. Thank you for teaching me more about God's love than I will ever have the ability to teach you. Thank you for making every day more exciting, dramatic, challenging and beautiful than the day that preceded it.

You are the best of me. I love you beyond all measure.

My Preschool Scientist

Kai: "What is inside your teeth?"

Mom: "You mean, my teeth? Do I have something in my teeth?"

Kai: "No, what is inside people's teeth. What are they made of. What is inside them?"

Mom: "Um...I don't know, why?"

Kai: "Forget it. What is inside grass?"

Mom: "Um...I don't know, water maybe? And other grass things?"

Kai: "Okay, well, what is inside water?"

Mom: "Fish and plants and other creatures."

Kai: "No, Mom. What is inside water? What is it made of?"

Yeah...I'm pretty stumped on that one. Any ideas for a preschool friendly answer? I think I am off to buy a microscope today and add a "What's Inside..." to our daily routine.

Horsing Around

I've really got to stop watching Dr. Phil. It seems like every time I do, Kai and Ivy get into some ridiculous trouble. Kai was supposed to be playing in her play kitchen. I checked on her and she seemed fine. But, at some point, she found the big huge heavy duty chisel tip Sharpie we used to make Yard Sale signs the other weekend and well, she got creative. Again.

She said she was playing horsey. But, she wanted to be the horsey. So, she turned herself into the horsey. Complete with hair and hooves. Check it out:




Did I mention this was a SHARPIE marker she did this with? Yep. Guess who's going to school tomorrow with black arms and a single black leg? I'll give you a hint: