Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Total Truth Tuesday: In which I admit to being a coward.

There are lots of things I'm afraid of.

There is, for instance, flying. And spiders. And dangling my feet over the side of the bed when it is really dark in my bedroom and I'm the only one awake.

I'm really a big old 'fraidy cat. For real.

The other thing I tend to be a bit nervous about? Major abdominal surgery. Particularly those of the C-section variety.

I don't relish the thought of having my body cut in two. It's just a little quirk I have.

But, tomorrow, I will face my fear again. Because I have to. And because it is a small price to pay for the blessing of this new life that we're about to bring into this world. But, I'm nervous, friends. And freaking out just a smidge.

So, if you could offer up a few prayers for courage and peace and, you know, un-'fraidy cat-ness tomorrow I'd sure appreciate it. 'Cause last night when Kai asked me over and over if this is the last time I'd ever be tucking her in to sleep I started to worry that she had an inside track on something I wasn't aware of. And I confidently assured her that everything was going to be fine and that it was easy for the doctor to make a door for the baby to come out.

After which I promptly went in my room and cried. And freaked out. But it occurred to me (mid freak-out) that since sharing stories about my embarrassing parenting failures with the world makes me feel better that maybe sharing this bit of panic would make me feel better, too. Maybe just saying it out loud and asking for some prayer would be enough to take some of the bite out of that fear.

It's what I do every time either of my girls have a nightmare. After I've comforted the tears and the panic, I tell them the same thing every time.

"Just tell me what it is and it will be okay."

Then they tell me what terrible thing was filling up their dream. And they realize that it is never as bad as it sounded or felt in their head. Because keeping fears a secret gives them unbelievable power.

So, I'm telling you. My friends, readers, passersby. This is what I'm scared of and this is what I'm feeling. I'm telling you so it will be okay.

And you know what? I think it's working already.

6 comments:

nicolejtabor said...

You will be covered in prayers tomorrow! Know that Ryan and I will be praying for you, the baby, Thomas, and the girls all day! Can't wait to meet him.

Fiona said...

I feel you - my C-section was not a happy moment or one in which I modeled zen-like calm.

But you really will be ok. And tomorrow you'll have your newest child, your daughters' sibling, blinking up at you.

Our thoughts will be with you.

Carey said...

First I want to say I am SO impressed that you have blogged right up until the big day. I haven't blogged in a week and no one is surgically delivering anything from me tomorrow. You go girl!

Second, please know that not only are your family and friends praying for you, but you are in the thoughts of total strangers as well! (That's supposed to sound comforting, not creepy).

I'm excited for you, and look forward to pictures of the new baby!

P.S. I am absolutely heart-stoppingly hair-standing-uppily TERRIFIED of spiders.

Tiffany @ Lattes And Life said...

Oh, sweetie!!!!!! I'm praying for ya and just KNOW everything will go juuust fine. But I feel you. I'm seriously scared of my C-section too. I think I'm in denial that we have to go there, you know?

And I also can't swing my legs out over the bed..or even sleep with my arm hanging off the side. The boogey man or a rapist or some such crazy thing could be under that bed.

Yolanda said...

Praying for a wonderfully peaceful and calm delivery experience. Enjoy your newest little blessing :)

Heather said...

Happy Baby Day!!!!!