Tuesday, May 19, 2009

I've Fallen and I can't get up.

This is me being brutally honest. Not just with you, but with myself. It's all in the name of emotional accountability.

I knew this might happen. I was on the look-out. Which is why I probably noticed it sooner that I did last time.

You see, I've fallen down. Just a little.

It's nothing bad or scary. And I refuse to feel guilty. But, today I will be headed to the pharmacy with my prescription in hand to try and get a little piece of normal back.

It didn't happen like before. There was no emotional avalanche to get trapped under. But, rather, it happened slowly. Rock by rock. Until I spent every night awake watching to make sure my kids were breathing and every day trying to keep my leaden eyelids open. Or crying over my "lost youth" in anticipation of my 30th birthday. I'm just in a fog. Or a funk. Or whatever you call not being able to get dressed before noon. (Latey I call that a weekday, but whatever.)

There is simply too much. Too much hormones. Too much family drama. Too much economic turmoil. Too much of everything being piled onto my plate at one time.

And so with medicine I'll get some relief. And some perspective. And my kids and husband will get a break from my exasperated self.

So, I'm looking forward to tomorrow. Because I'm convinced it will be a better day.

8 comments:

dewde said...

hug.

Anonymous said...

You are right.

Everything is going to be okay.

I'll be praying that neither exasperation or despair will pull you down.

Debra/dslak

Carey said...

You're doing the right thing! Your last paragraph says it all. Even from underneath the avalanche, you still know that it will be better - and you've taken steps to make it so. Good for you. You're a stronger woman for looking for help. I admire you!

Heather said...

..and it will be.


(((HUGHUGHUG)))

StacieinAtlanta said...

You are so right. Tomorrow will absolutely be a better day. :)

kellymac said...

I'm glad you're getting help & taking care of yourself. I know about being overwhelmed by the day-to-day. Hugs & prayers from another mommy on meds. :)

Fiona said...

Sympathy and optimism from over here. I'm with Carey - good for you for taking charge of your health and happiness.

Tiffany @ Lattes And Life said...

**hugs**
I'm catching up on blog reading, so I just now saw this. I hope you're feeling better...and I'm so glad you caught yourself and sought help early!!! This too shall pass, my friend!