Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Total Truth Tuesday - I may be addicted.

When Thomas and I got married we agreed that we wanted 3 kids. We didn't care if we had three boys or three girls. But three was the magic number.

And now we have three. Three precious wonderful magical kids. And when I'm holding them on my lap or snuggling under a blanket with them and watching movies I think to myself, "I could totally do this again."

I know that without hesitation we will. 'Cause we're not done.

Meagan wrote a great post the other day over at Larger Families where she asked the question of how you know when you're done. And it's something I wonder about all the time. While I was pregnant my doctor must have asked me a dozen times if I wanted to tie my tubes. I never wavered, but she continued to ask. Even in the operating room the nurse asked me to confirm whether or not I wanted my tubes tied. To be honest, it felt a bit like they were all waiting for me to come to my senses. Maybe they were.

The first night we were home with Trav I considered whether or not I could be done and satisfied with the size family we have. I remember thinking that our family just didn't feel finished. I think the answer is different for every single family. And I think it's something everyone has to determine by their own standards. But, the problem is I wonder how I'll know when we are done. Is it something you just magically know?

I'm know not one of those people who's called to have a Duggar-sized family. I don't judge supersized families, but I'm simply not organized and structured enough to manage a classroom that size let alone a family that big. But, three just feels incomplete. Three feels like someone is missing.

So, at the risk of getting comments like, "Don't you know what causes that?" or (my favorite from this last pregnancy) "Don't you realize there is population crisis?" - I know we'll do this at least one more time. Though don't be expecting an announcement anytime soon. I'm gonna enjoy being in a non-pregnant state for quite a while.

Until then, I'm gonna cuddle my new little man and enjoy the fun (and drama) of my two girls. And hope that someday in the future we'll get the chance to live this baby bliss all over again.

What about you? How did you know when you were done? Was the number different than you had planned for yourself?


Carey said...

My opinion is that yes, you must just magically know when you're done. For me... I always envisioned myself with one child. When my daughter was born, I just KNEW I had all I wanted. I LOVE being a mother, but I have never since had any urge to have another. Not because I can't handle any more, or any other negative reason. I just feel complete. Believe me, I know what it's like to have to endure the opinions of others! I think having a "lonely-only" is more frowned upon than having a big family.

Jen said...

I know. I didn't last time, but this time, everything feels complete for us. I really believe three is our magical number.

When we had the two kids, I had that feeling of "someone is missing" all the time. The question of whether to have another one always lingered in my mind. I woke up every day asking it. This time, I really know ...

So yeah, I think you'll know. :)

Anonymous said...

Jen -

I married late + was considered an 'older mom' by the time Kelsey was conceived - at 36.

I was more surprised than anyone when we stopped at one. Always pictured 3 or 4.

I think once K was born though, I realized my temperment was more suited to an only child, plus I wanted to be sure we could provide for her + give her every opportunity.

And 'yes'; I think you do "know" when you're family is complete; our little trio may be small, but it "feels" complete. :)


Tiffany @ Lattes And Life said...

I don't know. In my heart, I *really* think I'm done. But I can't take a final step, like getting my tubes tied. I just can't do something so permanent. So does that mean I'm really not done? I don't know!! I think I am. I have some issues of faith regarding sterilization, which prevents me from ever considering that as an option......but could there be more to it than that? My husband says he doesn't care one way or another..if we're done we're done, if we have more we have more. But I don't think I want any more. I guess time will tell! (Two of my kids were birth control babies, and one came when it should have been scientifically impossible too, so I know God will ultimately decide for me regardless of what I do or don't do!!!)

Heather said...

We chose to get my tubes tied after the third was born. We felt like three was all we could handle (we were broker than broke at the time, anyway.)

Now, we are doing some what better and we both regret our decision. We feel like we aren't done and would like to have one more even though the kids are 16(almost), 10, and 9.

I can't have anymore (hysterectomy) but we have thought about adoption.

katie said...

I wonder if we're done every day. Every day, the answer is different.
I don't think I'll ever get my tubes tied though. My brain is too full of what ifs. (shudder)