Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Total Truth Tuesday: Motherhood is Gross.

Okay, let me clarify. Motherhood is beautiful and special and filled with moments of pure poetry. It is hands down my favorite and most fulfilling job. But, it's also kind of a dirty job.

Case in point:

Last week Thomas came home to a wife who was a hot mess. For realz. The conversation went like this--

Thomas: "Hey. You look like I feel."

Me: "I have a riddle for you. What do chocolate milk, orange juice, dog hair, baby poop, and breast milk all have in common?"

Thomas: "Um...do I want to know the answer to this?"

Me: "They are all living somewhere on this shirt. Glad you're home. I'm going to take a shower."


See what I mean? Motherhood is gross. There is no getting around it. And when you're a mom you do things you would have cringed at before you became a mother. Things like wipe noses with your bare hands, lick your fingers and wipe dirt/food/boogers off someone's face, lift someone up and smell their butt just to see if you need to change their diaper, etc. I know this because I am guilty of doing things that don't even occur to me as being gross until I see my husband (or sister's or random stranger's) face cringe in horror and disgust.

For instance, if you asked me would I ever chew another person's fingernails the answer would be a resounding NO! But, on more than one occasion Thomas has caught me biting off the teensiest tinsiest bit of our newborn's paper thin nails since I can't really cut them with a clipper and I don't want him to scratch his face. Yes, I chewed my son's nails. I also did this for each of my daughters. I'm gross.

I've heard tales of women who can't get a nasal aspirator to work and actually suck the snot out of their baby's nose to help them breathe. With. their. mouths. I've never actually done that. Though I will say that once on vacation when Kai was struggling to breath and I was freaking out I did give it a try. Thankfully for both of us (and those of you still reading) I failed at it and have no details of that experience to give. But, the truth is I was desperate enough to try.

I guess when you love someone enough you'll do anything for them. I guess things don't seem as gross when they belong to someone who depends on you to sustain their life. And sometimes you find yourself willing to do things that would have seemed horrible in another life.

Still, I do love my husband an awful lot and I'd be hard pressed to think of any situation where I would ever bite his nails for him. I'm just sayin'...

Okay. So tell me I'm not completely alone in this. What is the grossest thing you've done as a mom?


Peanut said...

How about the grossest thing I've almost done?


When my oldest was a newborn, I'd change the bed anytime body fluids landed on it, or at least throw a towel over the spot. But with my youngest, I just rolled over and went back to sleep.

Fiona said...

Yesterday or the day before, Iain was eating and making a mess. He would chew some (buttered, jam-covered) toast, them pull some out and fling it. I was sitting next to him, eating a sandwich and reading while feeding him bits of toast.

At some point, I reached out to catch a piece of half-chewed, jam/butter/spit/toast/God only knows and before I thought about it I popped that thing in my mouth and ate it. Just not thinking. Don't let it fall on the floor. It's toast. Uh...oops.

That was gross, in retrospect. And kind of in the moment. But I'm not too worried about it. I've done some pretty gross things on my own behalf, too. And for my husband (and he for me, especially when sick). Iain has some learning to do before he can give us a run for our grody money.

P.S.He loves you.. said...

ha ha ..sounds like your handling it beautifly!

Jen said...

This week alone, I've been spit up on more times than I count. Yesterday, Ben got me down the front of my shirt. And I mean the inside front ... the spit up rolled down my chest, inside my bra and into my belly button.

My other favorie is accepting kisses from a sick toddler and getting a mouthful of snot in the process.