Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Okay, so I can't cook...

I can do lots of things. I can write some kick-ass haiku. I can bargain shop like a mad-woman. I can do math in my head. I can read really fast. I cannot, however, cook well. Not at all.

On more than one occasion Thomas has come home to smoke and the scent of charred food in our kitchen. I burn lots of things. Steaks, hamburger helper, scalloped potatoes (see above pic). I under cook lots of things. Pizza, fish, chicken, biscuits. Have you ever had medium rare chicken? I have. I am a menace in the kitchen. To be honest, I’d rather clean the kitchen than cook in it. (And I hate cleaning so that should tell you something.)

These scalloped potatoes pictured above? I made them explode. Explode, people. Do I even need to say any more?

Oh well. At least I still have haiku.

A version of this post was originally published December 1, 2007. And, no, I haven't gotten better at cooking yet! : )

Now it's your turn. What is your worst cooking story?


Fiona said...

Well, I love to cook. But that only makes accidents *more* likely.

Once, about 12 years ago, I was making caramel out of sweetened condensed milk. I did not puncture the can because the pressure is part of the deal.

I failed, however, to check the level of the water, and at some point it must have boiled away. I know this because I heard a loud POP and walked into my kitchen to find burned caramel all over the walls, ceiling, and cabinets.

Did I mention that we had one of those popcorn ceilings? You can't wipe that. I left it. I spray painted it later.

Did I mention that the caramel was for a party? I had 20 people coming ANY MINUTE. And my apartment smelled like burned sugar.

It was bad. Not quite as bad as the time my dogs got into a fight right next to the buffet table at a party, but bad.

Peanut said...

Wow. How do you make scalloped potatoes explode? I need to know because I'm probably at risk.

Worst cooking story? This week I nearly started a fire in our apartment with a toaster fire.

My 17-month-old son, after hearing the smoke alarm go off numerous times when I'm cooking, has taken to grabbing a kitchen towel to wave at the smoke alarm whenever he hears the dryer buzzer go off.