Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Total Truth Tuesday: I like to pee on sticks. Apparently.

Here's the deal. I am 9 weeks post-partum and more than just a little paranoid. Because I have already taken 2 (TWO!) pregnancy tests (thanks to some less than prudent behavior brought on by a few too many cosmos on vacation). Both tests, however, came out mercifully negative.

So, the only conclusion I can come to is this. I am addicted to peeing on sticks.

I'll be honest. I'm not one of those girls who was ever cut out for casual sex. In my life I have known three modes: Virgin, Paranoid About Being Pregnant, & Actually Being Pregnant. I should invest in stock in EPT because, seriously, I have spent almost as much on buying their tests as I did on Traveler's C-section. True story.

To be fair, part of this nervousness comes from the fact that I did have a positive test about 8 weeks after Kai was born. Do the math on that one, folks. What can I say? We had a hot tub. And a fridge full of Smirnoff Ice. Whatever.

But, when I sadly miscarried soon after discovering I was pregnant I found myself constantly wondering if I had unexpectedly gotten pregnant again. And it started a habit. A pregnancy test habit. And, if you're familiar with those things, you know that can be almost as expensive as narcotics.

I know from speaking to friends that I'm not alone in this habit. Birth control or not, I know many women who routinely find themselves testing "just in case." And thanks to a good friend (who shall remain nameless but knows who she is) I learned that the $1 tests from the Dollar Tree are as effective as the $9 tests from CVS. Good to know, right?

So, call me obsessive. Or crazy. Or paranoid. But, the peace of mind I get from occasionally taking those tests is well worth the $1 I spend on them. And the look on the cashier's face when I drag a 5-year-old, 3-year-old, and 9-week-old in with me to buy a pregnancy test? That, my friends, is priceless.

Do tell. Are you a member of the "I take pregnancy tests for peace of mind" club? 'Cause I'm thinking of getting jackets for us...

8 comments:

kellymac said...

I don't think I'm far gone enough to earn a jacket, but I'm picturing something very Pink Lady-esque...

Carey said...

I haven't peed on a stick in over 14 years and I hope I never feel the need to again! I'm kind of bummed that I'm not eligible for a jacket, though. Hysterical post!

Katie said...

Ha! Guilty. So addictive. So grateful for $$Tree brand.

Tiffany @ Lattes And Life said...

I'll take my jacket. The paranoia came to me quickly after getting pregnant, WITH a condom, at age 15. And it never went away. I am ALWAYS thinking I am pregnant. Even when I do the math and KNOW I can't be pregnant, I still feel the need to pee on that darn stick "just to make sure". Then I got pregnant my second time WITH the birth control pill. After that one, I started buying a fiver of those Dollar Tree tests anytime I went by the store. Insanity. I'm talking hubs into getting a little procedure done..but even then I bet I still pee on sticks "just in case".

Heather said...

Well, my membership was revoked when I got my hysterectomy. But, I did have one month after that where I thought maybe I should take a test. I mean, he could have totally messed up and taken out my appendix! They have medical shows on like that all the time.

However, even before that, and AFTER my tubes were tied, I will admit that I took SEVERAL pregnancy tests. I was never one to be late, and on several months I was. So, I peed with the rest of 'em

jennkate said...

Lord, this post just made my laugh. Really, are you for real?? The dollar store prego test is just as good as the target "two in a box" $14 test?
I must admit, I love peein' on those sticks. For sure!

Sarah Lyn said...

I'll take a jacket, please. (I wear a small.)

Jen said...

Which reminds me that it's about time I pick up a pack. Let the peeing commence!