A Farmer I Am Not

Seriously, what was I thinking with these chickens? Would anyone care to enlighten me?

'Cause these stinkin' birds are driving me out of my ever-loving mind.

We've had a problem with the birds lately. They do not want to stay put in the coop/pen. At first we thought there was a predator of some sort getting in and munching on our fine feathered ladies. But, after today I'm not so sure.

It started when Kai declared forlornly that there were only 3 chickens in the pen this morning. (Yesterday there were 4.) I went out and surveyed the scene of the crime and determined that there was no wandering fowl in the yard so something mysterious must have happened again. Because I had about a million things going on and didn't feel like playing "Nancy Drew and the Mystery of the Vanishing Red Hen" I decided to leave it to Thomas to deal with.

But, the chicken had other plans. 'Cause yesterday when I got home I heard a distinctive "squawk, squawk bagawk" in the carport. And, lo' and behold, when I looked into the side yard I did see our most recent escapee. And, it was at that moment that I knew it was going to be a bad day. Because, people, have you ever actually tried to catch a chicken? No? Yeah, well, it is not as easy as it sounds.

See, you think to yourself, "These are chickens. They are small and not so smart. And, really, how fast could they be, right?" But, friends, you would be underestimating the speed of such a small bird. Because these chicks can freaking run like the wind.

And that is how I ended up spending my afternoon running through the yard chasing a chicken while simultaneously yelling at begging my children to "getbackinthehousethisveryminute."

There was a moment after the full on belly flop to the ground in an attempt to catch the bird but before climbing into my neighbor's hedge to chase the hen back onto our own property that I realized just how ridiculous I looked. And, then I did the most un-farmerly thing possible.

I reached into my back pocket to get my Blackberry and Googled "how to catch a chicken." Oh yes, I did.

But, alas, the always helpful WikiHow failed me mightily and I was unable to catch that incredibly fast and wiley hen. It had great advice for how to catch a chicken, but that was assuming you actually got to catch up with the chicken.

Later, my husband did come home and save the day by chasing her out of our neighbor's yard and into her rightful home (while clad in his suit pants and dress shirt of course). And it made me wonder if our neighbors just sit around and watch us humiliate ourselves in the yard all day. They probably don't even need cable.