Monday, September 22, 2008

Kai-versations: Short story long...


Okay, so I generally like to keep things lighthearted here. Because, I figure just like me everyone has some yucky crap going on in one or more areas of their life and no one wants to come here to be reminded of how crappy things are in our economy.

So, I write about chasing chickens and kids who use Sharpies for body modification. But, this last week has been so bad that I can't tell my Kai-versation without at least explaining a little.

I think I've mentioned most of it (or at least alluded to it) but here's the deal. It's Thomas' slow season at work. Except, this year, its a dead season. Which means, for now, we're living on maybe a quarter of his regular income. And, we're soon to be paying two mortgages because the house we couldn't sell two years ago and have since been renting no longer has a tenant (they broke their lease unexpectedly). And, oh yeah, I almost forgot, we're pregnant and have no maternity insurance. Which means we're paying cash for a c-section (that is if we still have cash once it's time for the baby to be born).

Each of these things on its own I could handle. And, if I just put on my big girl panties and shut up I could probably handle them all together. But, last week I just melted down. Bad. I'm blaming it on pregnant hormones and I dare you to argue with me...

I melted down in a "where are you, God?!" kind of way. And, actually, rather publicly, too. Which is embarrassing. The worst part is that Kai had to hear it. Well, she wouldn't have had to if her mom had acted like a grown-up, but she did hear it.

So, later in the weekend (post meltdown) we were grocery shopping and she suddenly called me over to the cart.

Kai, in a loud whisper: "Mom! Come here! I have a secret I'm supposed to tell you!"

I was kind of expecting her to tell me a secret like Deebai and Heehaw invented pickles or something equally silly, but I got this instead.

Kai, still whispering: "God is very powerful and He can do anything that you ask Him to."

Then she smiled sweetly and went back to torturing her sister in the grocery cart. She left me speechless and kind of stunned in the middle of the Kroger aisle. It's not like I'd never heard that before, but coming so unexpectedly from my 4-year-old it kind of threw me for a loop. I don't know what prompted her to say that, but I do know that it was exactly what I needed to hear at that moment and that her childlike faith did my heart more good than anything else I experienced this weekend.

That, I think, is why God gave me this girl. And, I am so thankful He did.

9 comments:

Peanut said...

Wow! That is incredible. And coming from a child, you know that your heavenly Father was speaking to you! It is amazing how he cares for all the little details in our lives :)
I'm sorry to hear how hard things have been for you. It all seems to happen at once.
Don't be hard on yourself for letting your kids see how you deal with stuff... you are just letting them see real life. Lots of times we can deal with stuff, but sometimes we can't. They need to see that you aren't perfect ALL the time. Can you imagine how hard it would be for them to go through real emotion when they are grown up and think that they are the only ones that have ever felt that way?
I hope things start to look up for you soon.

kellymac said...

Wow. Just wow.

Crayl said...

Amazing.

I feel ya on the loss of income and all that, we are in the same boat apparently. Been there done that with a baby too (although it was a while back).

God is good, all the time.

Jen said...

All I gotta say is that - although it probably has something to do with the pregnancy hormones - I started crying while reading that entry. I needed the reminder, too. The financial part of having Baby No. 3 stresses me out on some days. It's too bad we don't live closer ... I'm sure we'd have a lot in common right now.

That was so nice to read ...

SITS Girls said...

That is magic. Love it.

Kim N said...

That is so sweet. I think God speaks to us through our children even more than we recognize.

chanelireli said...

God works amazingly :) I will be praying for you too!

Anonymous said...

wow. that is one cool kid you are raising. ekw

Rae said...

Kai is amazing.