Friday, December 19, 2008

Because there is something infinitely wrong with my brain...

It has occurred to me before now that I am not entirely normal. But the extent of my strangeness was never more real to me than last night at my fantastically romantic Anniversary dinner with my husband.

As part of our night out Thomas took me downtown to "Big Atlanta" to go out to a restaurant that we went to on our 1st anniversary. It is a great old downtown restaurant. Dimly lit, romantic, delicious food. You know, everything an anniversary destination should be.

Knowing where we were going I had a chance to prepare a wardrobe choice for the evening. Which is a good thing since it takes me hours to dress this belly of mine lately.

I ended up in the same black dress I always wear when we go out, a pair of tall black boots (because I know you care what shoes I was wearing) and a pair of pre-pregnancy skinny jeans.

Okay, so here's where you begin to get a glimpse into my weird, weird brain. See, when I'm preggo I try and use my regular jeans as long as possible. With a 6 month belly (that is apparently STILL measuring 3 weeks ahead) you might be able to guess that these jeans don't button. But, I'm creative. I think of ways to keep them up.

Last night I decided to just wear a long tight shirt under the dress to function as a makeshift belly band and keep them up. Of course, it didn't work well and I spent several trips to the bathroom hiking up my pants to avoid losing them in public.

On one such trip I was contemplating ways to make my pants stay up easier. The rubber band trick never works. I am too lazy to go out and look for a belly band. And maternity pants? No way. I'm more than halfway through this pregnancy. The next pair of cute jeans I buy will be post-pregnancy jeans.

And then, in some flash of twisted genius it occurred to me. I should wear a pair of my beloved maternity panties on top of the jeans to hold them up. Because pants can't fall down with a pair of those over-the-belly underwear on top, right? And since I almost always wear a short dress over these particular jeans no one would be the wiser. There was a brief moment when I really, truly thought I had discovered something quite genius.

But, I'll be honest, the idea of wearing underwear over my jeans cracked me up right there in the middle of the ladies room. Because, I imagined what would happen. I knew the first time I did something like that I would end up in some minor accident that would send me to the hospital where I would have to explain the reason I was wearing my underwear on the outside. And then I would end up in some compilation of the "weirdest patients" at an end of the year hospital party.

You know it's true.

When I finally made it back to the table I was still giggling about it. 'Cause I could just envision the post-accident/panty revelation post that would come out of such a ridiculous scenario. When I began to explain my sudden fit of giggles to my husband, he looked at me adoringly and said, "Why not just use a belt?"

Because, friends, that is what a semi-normal person uses to hold up their pants, right? A belt. And yet my mind went straight to wearing maternity panties over my jeans. That right there is why I will ultimately never run out of blog material.

I am simply too weird for my own good.


DreadedRafifi said...

You are some kind of crazy!

Halie said...

But when I was little my mom would have me wear panties, under and on top of my hose/stockings, to help keep them up and you never knew it under my dresses.
b/c you know, those things tend to slide down, esp. when you are a kid and active and all.

DreadedRafifi said...

Halie, I can just imagine you and Matt having some little girls running around the same way. Ha! Why doesn't someone invent tights with an adjustable elastic waist band? I'll pass that to Jody as a business idea. lol.

kellymac said...

I actually followed your logic...I must be pretty messed up in the head, too. :) And belts are for people with waists, not pregnant women.

SarahHub said...

Oh, I am laughing! Really, though, you should just invest in a belly band. If you had one, you could have thought romantic thoughts instead! Um, I have to admit, I never did have a belly band though!

Crayl said...

We all have our desperate moments, and let me point might be half way through the entire pregnancy, but you are still in the beginning of the clothing issue stage...please, I beg you, invest in one fabulous pair of pregnancy jeans. They make cute cuts now, all sizes. And then make your own belly bands, just cut the straps off a cami or the bottom off a T Shirt!

Renée aka Mekhismom said...

This is hilarious. You can always use rubber bands to extend the waistband of your jeans. It works!