Monday, December 8, 2008

Sometime the best answers are the ones you make up...

The other day Kai asked me an interesting question. She wanted to know where she was before she was in my tummy. Was she, she asked, with God in heaven? Or, was she hanging out with angels? Did God know her then? Where did she come from before she "hatched" out of the egg in mommy's tummy? (Okay, so she doesn't get the whole reproductive process, people. But, she's four. What am I supposed to tell her?)

I thought - hatching aspects aside - it was a really smart question. And, yet, another Kai question that I had to leave largely unanswered. I'm sure theologians have this all figured out. And, I'm sure it is a lot less romantic an idea than the one I've always carried in my head.

I guess I've always believed that babies are with God before they're here. That may make me seem silly or hokey or simple minded, but I'm okay with that. And don't even bother emailing me about how that is directly contradicted by specific Bible verses or the implied nature of God. I'm a mommy. I'm just telling you what I've always imagined to myself.

And that got me thinking. Because, our family has an important anniversary coming up. Last year, on Christmas Eve, we lost Thomas' mom following very unexpected complications from heart surgery. And, now, less than a year later we're expecting a baby that I know Natalie would be thrilled about and I can't help but wonder what she would think and say and do each time we reach a pregnancy milestone.

Just the other day I was telling Thomas how happy I think his mom would be to hear that we're adding a little boy to our family when an unexpected idea occurred to me. Perhaps, she knows all about this boy. And maybe, just maybe, she had a chance to spend a little time with him before he came to grow inside me.

And though that is quite possibly the result of someone who has read too many fairy tales and not enough of the Bible, it is enough to make me smile each time my heart breaks at the thought of all she is missing out on here with this baby. Perhaps she's gotten the greatest glimpse of all into exactly who this little boy is. And, I know she'd cherish the opportunity to be ahead of the rest of us...


Kim N said...

That was very touching. I absolutely believe that your mother-in-law knows your little baby and has probably given him some advice and instruction.

When I was in the delivery room with my third baby things had gone very fast and it was very intense and I didn't have time for any medication or an epidural. I was scared to push and didn't think I could do it when I felt a calmness and I felt the presence of my grandfather who had passed away several years earlier. As soon as I called my mom to tell her about Anna's birth she said, "Grandpa was there with you." She said she was worrying and worrying and the words came to her mind in his voice, "don't worry, I am with Kim and the babe." I told her I already knew he was there and we both had a good cry.

Hopefully my post isn't too long or personal, but reading your feelings about it brought tears to my eyes as I remembered my own experience! Thank you for reminding me of a sweet time.

Rachel said...

Oh, I love this post. I like the idea that she knows him already. I also think it's totally possible.

SarahHub said...

This was a very sweet post.

It took me a long time to get pregnant, and my mother in law and grandmother prayed so hard for me! Both of them passed away before I became pregnant, but I always think of them pestering God to give me a baby! I certainly think they know!

Jen said...

Thank you for this post. It was very sweet and personal. And on another front, I'm getting bombarded by baby questions here, too! Gabe's already asked where he was before he was in my belly, and yesterday, he asked if I ate the baby. That's how it got in my tummy, right? I quickly had to explain what a uterus is ... :)