Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Total Truth Tuesday

Yesterday was a really bad day. It started with my first prenatal doctor's appointment. You know, the one I was so worried about?

Yeah, it didn't go well. I mean, it went okay, but not great. Long story short, I thought I was almost 9 weeks pregnant and expecting to see the whole 9 weeks pregnant blob on the ultrasound. The one with little stubby arms and legs and a big huge head. And a strong unmistakable heartbeat.

Instead, I saw a tiny little yolk sack. And an even tinier and harder to see heartbeat. Which means one of two things. Either this little one is not growing and I am miscarrying or I am not as far along as I thought.

Obviously we are praying that it's the latter.

You're probably wondering why in the heck I'm blogging about this. After all, the doctor did tell me with my first pregnancy that the general rule is that in the First Trimester you only announce your pregnancy to people who you don't mind admitting a miscarriage to. And, you know what? I guess that's you guys.

Because, this is part of my life. And this is part of who I am. Women go through heartbreaking miscarriages and pregnancy scares where everything turns out okay and though I don't know which group I'm going to fall into right now, I do know that it is all part of who I am and who I am lately is someone who is trying to be transparent about her life.

So, if you are someone who prays, please pray for me and for this tiny little heartbeat living inside of me. This baby was created in love and though we've only known about him a short time, he would be mourned. Pray that God will give us peace and that we will trust Him to carry us through this.

Please don't get me wrong. I did not have this much peace yesterday. In fact, I acted quite terrible to my husband and my girls. I was scared and sad and I treated them horribly. I even threw a temper tantrum at McDonald's that was neither attractive nor dignified. Though, in a few days, it might end up being considered comical.

In the meantime, as I know more about our situation you'll know more about it. And, if you're in a similar place, I hope it helps to know you're not alone. And, if you've been through something similar yourself, I'd love to know I'm not alone, too. Because this is why I blog. And, to me, it's what makes this community so darn special...


Amanda said...

Oh no.... I hope everything turns out okay. I'll be thinking about you and your family and especially little Loving #3.


Jared said...

He... yep HE is going to be a big, strong, healthy, adorable boy! no worries, you got many people praying!

Kelsey said...

I am praying for you, your family is this unborn child. God Bless!

kellymac said...

Oh, Jenna...I'll be praying very hard for you, your baby, and your family. God & God's peace be with you.

sash said...

The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth. Psalm 145:18

I am praying for you.

Halie said...

Thinking about you and praying for you guys! I pray that you get good news at your next appointment, but I know that no matter what, God is watching over ya'll.


Amy said...

Jenn- God is Good and he knows your outcome already! Stay strong and continue to prey. All things can happen through prayer. If you have read my blog lately you will see the amazing work God is doing on our little friend. Our house will send this request upward allowing our God to take care of you and your little one.
Keep the Faith!

Crayl said...

You are not alone, and you will be prayed for.
Strength and hope, and love.

Jill @ Live, Laugh, Blog said...

My prayers are with you.
Our God is a faithful God and He will stand with you, no matter what.

P.S. He loves you... said...

Plan for the BEST, prepare for the worst. This said you can know that I will say a prayer for you each time I check in.

So...Tag your it!
Come see what for!

Kim N said...

You will be in my prayers as well. I hope you get your answers quickly.

Peanut said...

Thinking of you and praying that God will hold that little child safely inside of you. Praying also that he will hold you and give you peace.
With my first pregnancy, I was off by a few weeks at the beginning. So we expected to see a little swimmer in there but only got to see a little blob. I know the anxiety that comes with the waiting.

Heather said...

How are you feeling today? Resting, I hope!

Jen said...

Hi Jen,

I'm one of Thomas' friends from college, and I've been lurking on your blog for a while ... (you're a funny writer, btw!) :)

Just wanted to know I've been there and my heart goes out to you. And, to top it off, I'm also pregnant right now with No. 3 and due in March, so we really do have a lot of things in common.

I lost my second pregnancy about three years ago. I was 8 weeks along, and I started spotting just the tiniest bit. They nurse had me come in for an ultrasound, and there was no heartbeat. The baby had stopped developing at just 6 weeks. It was devastating, and it has made all of my subsequent pregnancies so scary.

I'm trying to cling to this verse during this pregnancy. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to proper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

If you need anything, or want to email me, I'm here. I know how rough this can all be.

But you know what, you saw a heartbeat! That's a big deal.

I'll be thinking of you and Thomas and the girls.

Jennifer West

Katie said...

I am sorry. I'm just getting back around to reading blogs. I'll be praying too. A sticky baby is what we want.

marigold said...

You are always in my prayers!