Total Truth Tuesday

Yesterday was a really bad day. It started with my first prenatal doctor's appointment. You know, the one I was so worried about?

Yeah, it didn't go well. I mean, it went okay, but not great. Long story short, I thought I was almost 9 weeks pregnant and expecting to see the whole 9 weeks pregnant blob on the ultrasound. The one with little stubby arms and legs and a big huge head. And a strong unmistakable heartbeat.

Instead, I saw a tiny little yolk sack. And an even tinier and harder to see heartbeat. Which means one of two things. Either this little one is not growing and I am miscarrying or I am not as far along as I thought.

Obviously we are praying that it's the latter.

You're probably wondering why in the heck I'm blogging about this. After all, the doctor did tell me with my first pregnancy that the general rule is that in the First Trimester you only announce your pregnancy to people who you don't mind admitting a miscarriage to. And, you know what? I guess that's you guys.

Because, this is part of my life. And this is part of who I am. Women go through heartbreaking miscarriages and pregnancy scares where everything turns out okay and though I don't know which group I'm going to fall into right now, I do know that it is all part of who I am and who I am lately is someone who is trying to be transparent about her life.

So, if you are someone who prays, please pray for me and for this tiny little heartbeat living inside of me. This baby was created in love and though we've only known about him a short time, he would be mourned. Pray that God will give us peace and that we will trust Him to carry us through this.

Please don't get me wrong. I did not have this much peace yesterday. In fact, I acted quite terrible to my husband and my girls. I was scared and sad and I treated them horribly. I even threw a temper tantrum at McDonald's that was neither attractive nor dignified. Though, in a few days, it might end up being considered comical.

In the meantime, as I know more about our situation you'll know more about it. And, if you're in a similar place, I hope it helps to know you're not alone. And, if you've been through something similar yourself, I'd love to know I'm not alone, too. Because this is why I blog. And, to me, it's what makes this community so darn special...