Monday, February 16, 2009

Let's get down and dirty.

Okay, so I know that I don't have to spill any dirty truths until tomorrow. But, I just have the need to get something off my chest. And, so, if you are a male and/or you know me IRL you may want to stop reading now. Really. Unless you want to know more about me than you probably should.

Here's what I want to know today. Ladies who are pregnant or who have ever in your life been pregnant could you do me a favor? Could you raise your hand if your pregnancy hormones ever made you have the libido of hormonal 18-year-old boy? Because everywhere I turn I see that stereotype in the media and I'm starting to feel like maybe I'm missing out on an important benefit of pregnancy.

Actually, to be more accurate, my poor husband seems to think he is missing out on a major benefit of pregnancy.

Though my theory is that finding a pregnant woman with this particular pregnant symptom is kind of like finding a unicorn please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

Valentine's Day, as a result, is a day of undue pressure on those of us preggo chicks who are not hormonally crazed in a good way. It's just not fair.

To make things worse, did you know that they make things like this? Talk about pressure!

So, can you guess how Valentine's Day went down at our house?

Here's a synopsis:

Scene: Valentine's Day night. Living room sofa, 11:00 pm.

My sweet husband, snuggling up to me on sofa: "Hey, baby. Happy Valentine's Day. Did you like your flowers?"


Me: "Speaking of babies, when are you going to paint the baby's room? And I'm starving. Could you grill me a steak? Also, is it like 150 degrees in our house or what? Crap my left butt cheek has fallen asleep again. Could you move over? Is our couch made out of cotton balls or something 'cause suddenly it is all lumpy and out of shape. It's probably the fact that I'm huge, huh? I'm ruining the sofa from sitting on it. Do you think I look huge? Don't lie. I can see it in your face. It's not really fair to judge me right now, okay? I am, after all, growing the son you've never had. Just get off my case already."

My sweet husband: "Huh? Um...your hair looked really pretty tonight at dinner. I love you."

Me: "Yeah, well I guess that is what happens when you get a chance to take more than a 30 second shower and actually wash your hair. I know I've let myself go, alright? It's just hard to take time to get ready during the week when I'm constantly getting the girls ready and taken care of. Can't you just pretend not to notice?"

My sweet husband: "Um...I think I'm gonna go to bed. I love you, though. Okay? I really do. I mean, if that's alright with you."

Me: "Fine. Lay the guilt trip on. I wish for just one moment you could feel how I feel so you would understand why I'm not all lovey-dovey at the drop of a hat. I know what married couples are supposed to be doing on Valentine's Day and I'm sorry. But, you know, I'm not some Stepford Robot Wife so just cut me a little bit of slack."

At which point my sweet husband slinks away to the safety of another room.

End Scene.


Yeah, I'm a heartless wench. Really. And feeling hideously guilty for not being a better wife lately. And also I'm kinda not into, well, you know, marital congress at the moment what with all the pressure of a 6 lb. baby simultaneously sitting low in my belly and kicking me in the ribs. Thank God my husband has the patience of Job.


Carey said...

That was hysterical! It brought back so many memories of my pregnancy. And heck no - I did not have the libido of an 18-year-old boy while pregnant. More like an 81-year-old nun. If those women do exist, I've never met one.

Katie said...

I was *just* reading soemthing about this topic the other day! The woman writing that article was saying she never had those hormonal "benefits" and she's never met a woman who did. Where does this stereotype some from when it's obviously an anomoly? Let me guess... a male doctor arrived at the finidings and male fantasies in our society continue to prject it.

Anonymous said...

According to a male friend of mine his wife had the 18 year old boy hormones during the first pregnancy and he was disappointed that it didn't re-occur during the next four.

Fiona said...

I was assured that during my second trimester I would be "insanely horny."

Nope. Well, not exactly. I had some fairly racy dreams. But in real life I was too busy being annoyed by all my irritating symptoms and watching my feet swell right out of my pretty shoes.

Thanks for making me laugh...

kellymac said...

Yup, sound about like my last couple of big long dry spell. I think moms who had sex-crazed pregnancies are a bit like moms whose babies sleep through the night @ 6 weeks...they're probably out there, but frankly, I don't want to hear about it. :)

Tiffany @ Lattes And Life said...

Yanno, I was one of those women last time. But this poor husband. I want NOTHING to do with any of that stuff. For the first time I actually get grossed out at the idea of being intimate with my husband and getting kicked by the baby. I just don't even want to go there. I WANT to want to, you know??? But it just isn't happening.

Halie said...

I can't comment b/c I have never been pregnant thus far, but the link to the pregnancy lingerie was pretty funny.

Jen said...

Let's see ... Braxton-Hicks contractions coupled with baby parts poking out my side, hemroids, and a pelvis that feels like an 80-year-old's ... now there's a recipe for romance! I'm with ya all the way on this one!

Amanda said...

I absolutely did not have any desire to be intimate with a man my ENTIRE pregnancy. I was tired and felt gross. You are totally normal -- that is just some weird man-myth about the horny preggo girl.