Beach babies

Despite the fact that I was ready to have my mail forwarded and put my life on permanent vacation mode, we did come back to reality on Monday. Here are a few of the best moments from our trip...








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If I did this in the real world you'd all call Dr. Phil. (And I'd deserve it.)

I have a bit of a problem. Well, it's not so much a problem for me as it is for my husband. And Blogger. And Gmail. And any other application that stores digital files.

I am a digital hoarder. I save all my files, drafts, emails, and copies of each and every photo whether they are good, bad, important, or completely useless.

Case in point:

I have 7479 emails in my Gmail inbox. Seriously. My Gmail is the digital equivalent of those apartments that people fill to the ceiling with trash and then can't find their way out of and end up having to call 911 so search and rescue can send someone in to save the hoarder from the trash maze avalanche that they can't seem to escape from. That doesn't include the 125 in my Spam folder that gets emptied every 3 days. I have 233 email drafts. So, to all of you who wonder why I never email you back just know that I probably wrote the email and left it sitting in my draft box until it was irrelevant as an email and I felt foolish not sending it but guilty for deleting it and so I decided to keep it in email draft purgatory. True story.

You may wonder why this is a problem. Well, mostly for me it isn't. I don't mind having those emails in my inbox. I don't think it's a big deal to save those drafts. But, apparently, my desktop (and my husband) think this digital hoarding is something I should seek help for.

The "Start Up Disk Full" window is nearly burned into my screen from being there so often. And my husband, saint that he is, faithfully cleans my desktop/hard drive each and every time I whine about not being able to do what I need to on my computer. And then he begs me (and I mean begs and begs and begs me) to please stop saving every single PDF, jpeg and other letter combos of files that reside on my desktop.

In fact, while on vacation Thomas managed to remove 5 Gigs of unnecessary crap off my computer. I'm not a technical person, but he says 5 Gigs is a lot. I'll take his word for it.

I guess I need to get serious about mending my hoarding ways before I end up calling rescue workers to pull out from an avalanche of my mediocre blog drafts and emails I've had since 2001...

Where do you fall on the digital pack rat scale? Do you delete when you're done or save things "just in case?"

Catch you on the flip side...

Good news for the Loving family. We're actually sneaking off for a few days on a spur of the moment beach mini-vacation. I can't remember the last time we had a break like this.

And though I could sneak away to the free coffee shop wi-fi on this break to blog a couple posts and maintain some continuity here in the Land of Lovings I've decided to really take off these few days and have nothing more pressing than cuddling my babies.

So, I'll catch you guys next week. I promise to be back on Tuesday rested, relaxed, sunburned and full of great new content.

See you soon!

You changed me.

5 years ago I cradled you in my arms for the first time. I looked into your eyes. Kissed your precious face. And became a mother for the first time.

I love you, my precious baby girl. Happy birthday.

Total Truth Tuesday: Top 5 TV Confessions

I'm tired. Our little guy was up all night and while I should have used that time to blog a Total Truth Tuesday post it turns out it is harder than you might think to be witty and creative and truthful with a ferocious baby nursing for 2 hours straight. (Which is another post all on it's own and is becoming a problem. I'll be posting for advice on that later.)

Anyways, that said I still wanted to post my TTT post today. And so I'm going to do it quick and dirty style. With a list.

So, here you have it. Total Truth Tuesday. My top 5 TV Confessions. And for the record, I'm ashamed of each and every one of them.

1. I have a Season Pass on my Tivo for every single incarnation of the Real Housewives shows on Bravo.

2. The longest saved show on my Tivo is "Win a Date with Tad Hamilton." I originally recorded it November 29th, 2006. I keep it saved because apparently I'm actually a 13-year-old girl. It helps me sleep at night.

3. I recently considered getting the Comcast DVR for the family room (our Tivo is in the bedroom) so I could record twice as many shows. Then I realized no one actually gets smarter and more productive by adding to the amount of hours they watch TV.

4. I would rather become a vegan vegetarian than give up my cable. Which, I am aware, is probably proof I need to give up cable.

5. Millionaire Matchmaker. Need I say more?

So, enough about me, what are your deepest darkest TV confessions?

Why I broke up with BlogHer.

A few months ago I got an email saying a spot had opened up in the BlogHer ad network and since I was on the waiting list I got a chance to be a part of it.

I was pretty darn excited. See, when I started blogging it was to keep family that was far away in the loop on what was going on in our lives. Then a funny thing happened. It saved my sanity. I started to feel less like a prisoner of my children and more like the aspiring writer I promised myself I'd become when I graduated college.

And then I found out the most amazing thing. People actually make money blogging! **gasp**

So, I was pretty excited about signing up with BlogHer.

As with any partnership there are rules and guidelines. I gladly accepted them. After all, I was getting paid to blog! Hurray!

Then I got my first ad revenue check. And my second. I was getting $60-$70 a month in ad revenue. I was pretty darn happy considering before this I had been blogging about my public humiliation for free.

But, one day I got an email from BlogHer. They had, apparently, been overpaying me. By a lot. And, my actual monthly revenue? It was more like $6-$7 dollars a month.

And since numbers can't be typed in all caps, let me phrase my reaction like this:

SIX OR SEVEN DOLLARS A MONTH?!?!?!?!

It occurred to me that in order to adhere to their rules I had to turn down giveaways worth more than I'd made in the last 4 months with them. And it also occurred to me that I had given up some control of my blog (albeit only a small amount) for 6-freaking-dollars a month.

And, so we broke up. Which is why there aren't any ads on the side anymore. And I can blog as often or as little as I like now. And I can giveaway anything I want. Or not.

Now if only I can avoid drunk dialing this ex in the middle of the night...

One for the suggestion box.

Dear God-

I'm not trying to tell you how to handle your business. I know you've got it covered.

But, I thought I'd mention something for you to consider. You know, in case you decide to do this whole creation/humanity thing again somewhere else.

I was thinking the other day that since it takes two people to make a baby, that maybe it should take two people to do other things for the baby. Like, you know, feed the baby.

I get that only one person can carry a baby in their body. And, to be honest, I'm pretty thrilled that I get to be the one to do it. And, even though I might complain sometimes, I really do love that I get to provide nourishment for this life that grew inside of me.

But, I'm worried for my husband. I think he's feeling a bit left out. I can tell from the sounds of his snoring at 3 am that he is feeling like he's missing out on something when I get to wake up every 3-4 hours to feed the baby. He's pretending to enjoy the hours and hours and hours of deep satisfying sleep, but let's get real. It's a ruse. He wants to be a part of feeding the baby. And, I think he (and most men) would be much, much happier if they could also provide food and nourishment for their newborn child. Not to mention, they'd relish the opportunity to have deep personal knowledge of breast pads, nipple shields, and all the other accessories that accompany such endeavors.

I'm not quite sure exactly how this would work. I realize the current model might require some modifications. I'll leave the details up to you. But, I just thought I'd mention it for any future projects you might have up your sleeve. After all, no one should be forced to sleep a deep and restful sleep all night every single night of the week. It's just inhumane.

I'm pretty sure my husband would agree.

Yours Truly-

Jenna

Tunnel Vision

For more Wordless Wednesday, head over to 5 Minutes for Mom.

Ivy-lish: Diaper Business

Ivy is kind of fascinated with her brother. She's trying to figure out this whole "new baby" thing we've got going on and nothing is more confusing to her than what is going on inside Trav's diaper.

No matter how many times I explain it she is completely unwilling to acknowledge that his "boy parts" are something that are actually supposed to be there.

Which is why every time I change his diaper, our dialog goes a little something like this:

Ivy: "Ewwww, what's that??"

Me: "Honey, that is Traveler's bottom. Remember what I said? He's different than you because he is a boy."

Ivy: "Oh yeah! Okay...it's yucky. Wipe it off."

Me: "No, honey, I can't wipe it off. It has to stay there, remember?"

Ivy, laughing: "Oooohhh. I see. Okay. Now wipe it off! It's gross."

And round and round we go. I guess I'd be happy if I could just get her to stop calling Trav "she" and "her." Poor guy. Isn't this how Hemingway ended up the way he did?

Parenting hurts.

I am not remotely ready to handle certain aspects of parenthood.

I'm not ready to think about letting my kids out into the world on their own where I can't protect them from all the scary bad guys.

I'm not ready to watch them realize the world is often unfair and unjust.

And, as I discovered yesterday, I am nowhere near ready to watch them fumble through awkward social encounters with kids who will try to wreck their self-esteem.

It simply hurts too much to see it happen.

Yesterday we were at a video shoot for a local ministry. They needed some kids to be in the video and my girls were invited. It was a fun experience for them and everything went well until Kai discovered the "big" girls who were also part of the shoot. And like any little girl, she just loves big girls and wants so badly to be around them.

The scene that unfolded as a result broke my heart. They girls couldn't have been older than 10 or so, but to Kai they were practically grown-ups.

Kai enthusiastically approached the bigger girls and tried to get them to notice her.

"Hey! Do you like my outfit. It's my Nina's outfit. Well, not my Nina's outfit, but she gave it to me. I mean, she bought it and had it at her house and then she helped me get dressed today. So, anyways, do you like it?"

The girls only response? They rolled their eyes and started laughing at her. And Kai covered her face with her hands and walked away.

At which point a part of my heart broke away.

Honestly, my face got hot and my eyes teared up and for the first time I realized that I would never be able to protect her from feeling small or silly or unwanted in a social setting. I've always known that there are mean girls out there who will hurt her feelings or belittle her and that no matter how fiercely I want to protect her it will be impossible. That was my elementary school & middle school experience every single day. But to see it happen to my little girl right in front of me and to be powerless to do anything about it nearly did me in. Especially while I'm high (or low) on post-partum hormones.

Luckily I was able to soothe her heart and build her back up in time to send her back out to play with the other, smaller kids. But that was this time. What about next time? How will I protect her from mean kids? How will I prevent these types of things from crushing the beautiful vibrant spirit she has and that she tries to share with everyone she meets?

It hurts to know that this is part of growing up. And that it won't be the last time I have to see her hurt because of a mean kid. But, I'm hoping (and praying) that God will give me the wisdom and sensitivity to handle these occasions with a spirit that will turn these into experiences that make her a stronger more compassionate child.

How have you handled bully problems with your kids? Have you had to deal with physical and/or emotional bullies? How do you make sure your child walks away stronger than before?

Caption Please.

This may be my favorite baby picture of any of my kids. His expression cracks me up!


For more Wordless Wednesday, head over to 5 Minutes for Mom.

Total Truth Tuesday - I may be addicted.

When Thomas and I got married we agreed that we wanted 3 kids. We didn't care if we had three boys or three girls. But three was the magic number.

And now we have three. Three precious wonderful magical kids. And when I'm holding them on my lap or snuggling under a blanket with them and watching movies I think to myself, "I could totally do this again."

I know that without hesitation we will. 'Cause we're not done.

Meagan wrote a great post the other day over at Larger Families where she asked the question of how you know when you're done. And it's something I wonder about all the time. While I was pregnant my doctor must have asked me a dozen times if I wanted to tie my tubes. I never wavered, but she continued to ask. Even in the operating room the nurse asked me to confirm whether or not I wanted my tubes tied. To be honest, it felt a bit like they were all waiting for me to come to my senses. Maybe they were.

The first night we were home with Trav I considered whether or not I could be done and satisfied with the size family we have. I remember thinking that our family just didn't feel finished. I think the answer is different for every single family. And I think it's something everyone has to determine by their own standards. But, the problem is I wonder how I'll know when we are done. Is it something you just magically know?

I'm know not one of those people who's called to have a Duggar-sized family. I don't judge supersized families, but I'm simply not organized and structured enough to manage a classroom that size let alone a family that big. But, three just feels incomplete. Three feels like someone is missing.

So, at the risk of getting comments like, "Don't you know what causes that?" or (my favorite from this last pregnancy) "Don't you realize there is population crisis?" - I know we'll do this at least one more time. Though don't be expecting an announcement anytime soon. I'm gonna enjoy being in a non-pregnant state for quite a while.

Until then, I'm gonna cuddle my new little man and enjoy the fun (and drama) of my two girls. And hope that someday in the future we'll get the chance to live this baby bliss all over again.

What about you? How did you know when you were done? Was the number different than you had planned for yourself?

Things I've had to say...

Barbies are not pogo sticks.

Please take your sister off the leash.

No, picking your nose with your toes is not a neat trick.

Take that fly swatter out of your mouth.

(Don't worry it was a brand new never used fly swatter, but still...)

What's the weirdest thing you've had to say this week?

Photos that should be left out of the baby book.

Dear Traveler,

Um...yeah. This is your dad preparing for your arrival in the hospital. Lesson to be learned from this? Never leave him alone with your camera on important and solemn occasions.

Love,

Mom






For more Wordless Wednesday, head over to 5 Minutes for Mom!

Total Truth Tuesday: Motherhood is Gross.

Okay, let me clarify. Motherhood is beautiful and special and filled with moments of pure poetry. It is hands down my favorite and most fulfilling job. But, it's also kind of a dirty job.

Case in point:

Last week Thomas came home to a wife who was a hot mess. For realz. The conversation went like this--

Thomas: "Hey. You look like I feel."

Me: "I have a riddle for you. What do chocolate milk, orange juice, dog hair, baby poop, and breast milk all have in common?"

Thomas: "Um...do I want to know the answer to this?"

Me: "They are all living somewhere on this shirt. Glad you're home. I'm going to take a shower."

--

See what I mean? Motherhood is gross. There is no getting around it. And when you're a mom you do things you would have cringed at before you became a mother. Things like wipe noses with your bare hands, lick your fingers and wipe dirt/food/boogers off someone's face, lift someone up and smell their butt just to see if you need to change their diaper, etc. I know this because I am guilty of doing things that don't even occur to me as being gross until I see my husband (or sister's or random stranger's) face cringe in horror and disgust.

For instance, if you asked me would I ever chew another person's fingernails the answer would be a resounding NO! But, on more than one occasion Thomas has caught me biting off the teensiest tinsiest bit of our newborn's paper thin nails since I can't really cut them with a clipper and I don't want him to scratch his face. Yes, I chewed my son's nails. I also did this for each of my daughters. I'm gross.

I've heard tales of women who can't get a nasal aspirator to work and actually suck the snot out of their baby's nose to help them breathe. With. their. mouths. I've never actually done that. Though I will say that once on vacation when Kai was struggling to breath and I was freaking out I did give it a try. Thankfully for both of us (and those of you still reading) I failed at it and have no details of that experience to give. But, the truth is I was desperate enough to try.

I guess when you love someone enough you'll do anything for them. I guess things don't seem as gross when they belong to someone who depends on you to sustain their life. And sometimes you find yourself willing to do things that would have seemed horrible in another life.

Still, I do love my husband an awful lot and I'd be hard pressed to think of any situation where I would ever bite his nails for him. I'm just sayin'...

Okay. So tell me I'm not completely alone in this. What is the grossest thing you've done as a mom?

Progress Report.

As of today I've been home and on my own one full week with 2 preschoolers and an infant. And, I thought I'd just jot down a few notes about what is has been like to be home with three little ones on my own.

In a word? Delicate.

It has been a delicate balance of all my jobs. It has been a week of nurturing a delicate newborn and then there is the situation of my very delicate and recovering incision. I've had to handle my girls with more care than before so they don't feel left out and replaced. I've had to make things work largely by myself since Thomas' job took a crazy turn this week and demanded the longest hours he's worked since starting there 2 years ago. Talk about bad timing.

But, I've also had to be vigilant about my somewhat delicate mental state as well. See, with Kai I had no trouble transitioning back into "normal" mode. With Ivy, on the other hand, I had a pretty bad case of baby blues. I didn't realize it until I had my 4 week Doctor's appointment, but it turns out I had more than a little Post-Partum Depression. Like, can't get out of bed or off the couch or out from under the covers bad. And I knew that this time it was a distinct possibility. I know it still is.

So this week I've avoided playing the blame game with myself. When Trav's diaper leaked because I didn't realize it was full, I avoided calling myself a bad mom. When the girls ate a bit too much junk food (I can neither confirm nor deny that they ate Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs for breakfast one morning) or watched a Max & Ruby marathon so I could nurse the baby in relative peace, I forgave myself for not coming up with something better. Because guilt does not help things at all.

Do I need to do better when it comes to entertaining and feeding and balancing everything? Definitely. Do I wish I could have been SuperMom right out of the gate? Totally. Am I planning on doing a great job when I recover a bit more from this surgery? Yes! But, I'm not going to beat myself up over being lazy last week. Or even this week.

'Cause I'm doing the best I can. And even though this week everyone may not be getting their food pyramid needs met, their educational needs fulfilled, or even - you know - dressed in something other than pajamas, they are getting hugs and plenty of cuddly mommy time. And, after all, isn't that what really matters right now?

Happy Birthday to you. You are such an old lady. (Okay, not really.)

Forgive me a moment while I take care of some personal business here. I need to say something to my sister who is, incidentally, turning 28 today. For the record, she's officially in her late twenties now. (Did you hear that, Tara?)

My sister, who is 23 months younger than me, has always been my partner in crime. I see so much similarity to us in Kai and Ivy's relationship and I am so thankful that they have that. I was fortunate enough to grow up with a built in best friend (and, at times, worst enemy) and I love her so much.

So, happy birthday to my younger (though not so young anymore) sister. I love you!

So, about that name...

Okay, we kept it (mostly) a secret for months. And while it wasn't easy for me. It was even more difficult for Kai. (There were plenty of moments when she told people, "No matter what I can't tell you Traveler's name, okay?")

And it was as hippy as we promised, right? When everyone kept saying "it can't be as bad as Apple" I kept wondering if maybe they were going to take that back when they heard it. But, Traveler Oakes Kekoa Loving it is. And the more I look at this little boy the more it seems to fit.

So, where did it come from? And why on Earth did we choose that name?

Well, I should start by saying that none of our kids have "normal" names. That's my fault, mostly. But once you start down the path of "different" names there is no going back for any of your kids.

One night when I was about 20 weeks pregnant, we were talking about names for the baby and Thomas said something about needing to find a good name for the little Traveler I was carrying. And something about the nickname struck us. It was a little Pilgrim's Progress, I admit, but there was something about it that just seemed to work.

If you ask Thomas, his official answer about what the name means to him is a more spiritual meaning. Something along the lines of Sojourner. He is a traveler in this world on a path that leads him to someplace bigger.

If you ask me, my official answer is that...well, I thought it sounded cool and kind of poetic. Yeah, I'm deep like that.

His middle name, Oakes, came about out of a bit of accidental tradition. Kai is actually our oldest daughter's middle name (her first name is Arema). And in Hawaiian, Kai means calm or gentle ocean. Ivy, obviously, has botanical origins. So, we had this nature theme going on in their names. And we thought we'd do the same with this baby. But, nature names for boys can be tricky. Particularly when you combine it with the hippy-tastic name Traveler. We wanted something strong and solid. Oakes was a character in a work of fiction Thomas has been working on and it really to fit the bill.

Finally, as a matter of Hawaiian tradition, all of our kids have a Hawaiian middle name. In the past, it has been a name chosen by Thomas' mom and given to our children as a blessing. But, since Thomas' mom was the only one in his immediate family who was actually Hawaiian and she passed away last year it was up to Thomas to take the job of picking the Hawaiian middle name for our son. And he chose Kekoa because it means "the brave one." It seemed a fitting "blessing" to give our son. I love it.

So, while we had some people questioning our choice of names (you know who you are and we love you anyways) the more we considered it the more we absolutely loved the name.

Yes, it is different. And we've gotten many strange looks since he's been born and we've told friends, relatives, and total strangers the name. But, it fits. It is him. And I wouldn't change it for the world.

Intelius Neighborhood Watch

Intelius and BlogHer offered me the chance to review the Intelius Neighborhood Watch service. Come over to Land of Lovings Reviews to see what I thought about it!

I am so in love.

I can't believe he's already a week old. I am completely over the moon in love with this little boy.






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Total Truth Tuesday: A Domestic Fairy Tale

I was looking around my house tonight and realized I'm living a life I had never dreamed I would. When you're a kid, you dream about fantastic adventures in far off lands. You dream about the fulfilling work you'll do changing the world. You dream about a glamorous and exciting life.

You do not dream of playrooms overflowing into your hall or of doing laundry and dishes and cleaning bathrooms at 1:30 am. You don't dream about dirty sippy cups and crayon scribbles on walls. You don't dream about the inevitable clutter of a busy life.

But, it wouldn't be so bad if you did. Because, I must say, despite it's decidedly unglamorous nature this is an incredibly fulfilling life. It is not the jet-set life of a writer I had envisioned for myself and some people who used to know me think I've settled for less or taken an easier path. But, this is anything but easy and I can't help but think when I look into my childrens' eyes that this is by no means settling for less. (Though, I'll admit, before I had my kids I would have felt that way about others in this position.)

I don't think I am noble or righteous for choosing motherhood. I don't think women who pursue a career are less admirable than those who pursue a family. I think this is the right choice for me. And I think women have the right (and the responsibility) to determine what a fairy tale is on their terms. I guess right now, for me, my fairy tale is chasing preschoolers around and stepping on discarded toys on my way to the kitchen. And I fully intend to cherish every minute of it.

Is your "fairy tale" different than you had pictured it? How has your idea of success and happiness changed since starting a family?

This post was originally published March 10, 2008.

Somewhere in the hall someone is screaming.

The good and bad thing about a hospital room on the maternity ward is that it feels a bit like a cocoon. You sit bundled up in bed with this precious new baby and you're pretty oblivious to the rest of the world.

It's blissful and a bit suffocating all at once.

Today the biggest thing we had going on was Traveler's hospital picture session. He, of course, slept through the whole thing. But, he managed to look adorable while doing it.

I bought the cheapest package I could get away with (which is still ridiculously overpriced) and settled back in to my adjustable bed to gaze adoringly into his milky brown eyes.

And then I heard it. Even though my door was closed and I was swept up in my cocoon of new baby bliss, I heard the unmistakable sound of terror and heartbreak.

It was enough to make the hair on the back of my neck stand up. There was shrieking. And crying. And my heart sunk to the floor when I realized it was another mother here on the maternity ward.

I do not know her story. I do not know what happened. I do know that moments later I heard running and carts streaming through the hall. I heard rushed whispers from nurses about a STAT Team being called. And, I do know that the sound of a mother's heart broken in two is not a sound you forget.

I prayed for that woman for what seemed like an hour. I prayed for her baby. And, I held my own baby bundled tight in my arms and cherished each and every perfect moment with him.

But it reminded me that in every moment of blissful ignorance and in every second of my own selfish joy, somewhere in some hall someone is screaming. And that I should be thankful for every good and perfect moment I am blessed with.

I just can't help myself.

Okay, so I'm aware that pictures of this new baby boy may only be interesting to me at this point. But, oh how I am in love. And so, I just can't help myself.

Did I mention that the girls are in love with him, too? Today Kai & Ivy came to the hospital to see him again. Kai crept up to him, leaned down and kissed him gently on the head, and whispered, "There is my sweet boy."

I nearly overdosed on preciousness right then and there.

Someone I want you to meet...

World, meet Traveler Oakes Kekoa Loving.

Travs, meet the world.

Our little one made his way into the world at 12:48 PM today. He was 6 lbs. 11 oz. and 19.5" long.

So, now if you'll excuse me, I have some snuggling and cuddling to do with this little boy of mine. I'll be updating with more pics soon!

Total Truth Tuesday: In which I admit to being a coward.

There are lots of things I'm afraid of.

There is, for instance, flying. And spiders. And dangling my feet over the side of the bed when it is really dark in my bedroom and I'm the only one awake.

I'm really a big old 'fraidy cat. For real.

The other thing I tend to be a bit nervous about? Major abdominal surgery. Particularly those of the C-section variety.

I don't relish the thought of having my body cut in two. It's just a little quirk I have.

But, tomorrow, I will face my fear again. Because I have to. And because it is a small price to pay for the blessing of this new life that we're about to bring into this world. But, I'm nervous, friends. And freaking out just a smidge.

So, if you could offer up a few prayers for courage and peace and, you know, un-'fraidy cat-ness tomorrow I'd sure appreciate it. 'Cause last night when Kai asked me over and over if this is the last time I'd ever be tucking her in to sleep I started to worry that she had an inside track on something I wasn't aware of. And I confidently assured her that everything was going to be fine and that it was easy for the doctor to make a door for the baby to come out.

After which I promptly went in my room and cried. And freaked out. But it occurred to me (mid freak-out) that since sharing stories about my embarrassing parenting failures with the world makes me feel better that maybe sharing this bit of panic would make me feel better, too. Maybe just saying it out loud and asking for some prayer would be enough to take some of the bite out of that fear.

It's what I do every time either of my girls have a nightmare. After I've comforted the tears and the panic, I tell them the same thing every time.

"Just tell me what it is and it will be okay."

Then they tell me what terrible thing was filling up their dream. And they realize that it is never as bad as it sounded or felt in their head. Because keeping fears a secret gives them unbelievable power.

So, I'm telling you. My friends, readers, passersby. This is what I'm scared of and this is what I'm feeling. I'm telling you so it will be okay.

And you know what? I think it's working already.

Packing my bags...

So, you know how you're supposed to have your bags all packed somewhere around the 35th week of pregnancy? Actually, when Kai was born I'm fairly certain I packed them as soon as I entered the 3rd trimester. My bag sat by the door waiting expectantly to be whisked to the hospital in the middle of the night at the slightest pang of labor.

It never did happen that way.

With this pregnancy I've waited until the very end to pack. In fact, I only got most of my stuff together this past weekend and tossed it in the back of the van. Since it is pretty clear at this point that my womb is like a vault and my babies are evicted against their will I just don't see the point. But, since I'm going in for my C-section Wednesday I guess I'd better have it done with pretty soon.

So, that said, I need some advice 'cause even though this is baby #3 I never know quite what to pack in these things. The baby's bag is packed. That one is a piece of cake. It's knowing what I'll need that always stumps me. Thus far I have:

Digital camera/video camera
Two horrible Pollyanna nightgowns
One gag-tastic floral robe
Knit booties with skid free bottoms
Face wash, lotion, deodorant, and shampoo
Boppy Pillow (thanks, Laura!)
Various Balms and soothing lotions for breastfeeding
Nursing bras
Extremely forgiving and stretchy outfit to go home in

...and that's it. I mean, of course I'd never go anywhere without my laptop and Blackberry (I'm hyperventilating at the very thought of it) but other than that I don't know what else to bring. Is that everything I need?

Have any of you actually taken Thank You notes and done them in the hospital? Do you have any hospital must-haves that you recommend? 'Cause as much as I love my husband (and, Thomas, I do love you) once I leave the house it's likely he'll never be able to find whatever I send him back to get for me.

So, ladies, help a blogger out. What am I forgetting? What should I bring that I would never think to take a long?

For more Tackle It Tuesday, head over to 5 Minutes for Mom and check out what other moms are taking on this week!

Who doesn't love a party?

Since I'm currently, oh, 75 weeks pregnant (okay, okay technically just 39 weeks pregnant) the only parties I'm up for are ones I can attend in stretchy pants. And, as it turns out, blog parties are just about the only parties where my choice to wear embarrassing grandma pants is completely acceptable.

Which is why I decided that partying it up with the wonderful ladies from 5 Minutes for Mom was a perfect way to spend my last week of pregnant "bliss."

So, here I am. Actually, it's me 39 weeks pregnant with my youngest daughter and the victim of my mom's terrible photo cropping skills - you're welcome. (Read the full story behind this embarrassing pic here. It comes complete with a poem to highlight the humiliation. Don't miss it!)


Meet my family. Our family photos look a bit like the old "Which of these things is not like the other?" game from Sesame Street. In case you're a bit confused about where I am in the picture, I'm the one that doesn't tan. Not even remotely.


Here you can read what a typical day in my life is like. And, yes, I really am that ridiculous in real life. I blame the red hair.

And, just for the heck of it, here's the story of how I (unwittingly) hired strippers for my oldest daughter's 2nd birthday party.

If I haven't completely scared you away with all that, you can find me Twittering here.

So, there you have it. Me, in a nutshell. A really scary, humiliating, inappropriately honest nutshell.

Feel free to leave me a link in the comments so I can check out your blog and/or follow you on Twitter and get to know you, too!

And head over to 5 Minutes for Mom and check out all the cool mom content there! Enjoy the party!

Room for one more...

In exactly one week we'll be adding another little Loving to this family. I can't wait to meet this little boy!


For more Wordless Wednesday head over to 5 Minutes for Mom!

Total Truth Tuesday: My Case for Polygamy

I called Thomas at work last Wednesday and told him if he wanted to try and convince me to give polygamy a chance that was the day to do it. It is also, not coincidentally, the day our cleaning lady came for the second time.

Have I mentioned that I am in love with her?

Before you start to worry that I've been watching WAY too much Big Love on HBO, let me say I can't truly imagine adding another person to a marriage.

But, adding another person to the house? One who cleans and can watch the kids while I run to the grocery during the day without worrying about loading anyone into over-sized carts and negotiating fights over who gets to sit beside the frozen pizzas? I can definitely imagine that.

When I was in college I remember reading Judy Syfers' classic feminist essay, "Why I Want a Wife" and thinking it was really "cool." Because I was 19. And I didn't really get it. But, I was a feminist so I'd heard there was gender role inequality and, well, I jumped on the bandwagon.

But, now, I read that essay and I realize it could have been written by any one us mommy bloggers. I can relate to that essay in a way I had never quite imagined. I, too, want a wife. Wives are such wonderful, wonderful things.

Since I'm pretty much a traditional kind of girl (at least in the sense of wanting a one man/one woman marriage for myself) I'll settle for having a housekeeper one day a week. It is probably as close as I'll get to the bliss of having a wife to take care of me.

Our housekeeper started two weeks ago and I already look forward to seeing her every week. In fact, everyone in our house does.


"Don't mess up the playroom," Kai warns her sister, "Miss Trina is coming next week!"


"When Trina is here next week, can you have her iron some more dress shirts?" Thomas requests.


And, I am more than willing to give up these chores to someone more qualified than I am to do it. You should see me iron a shirt.

You may think I'm a terrible wife if you wish. I don't care. Think I'm overindulgent, frivolous, or lazy? I can take it.

I guarantee you that society doesn't view my husband as overindulgent, frivolous or lazy for having someone at home caring for his progeny and his domain. It is just a given that he'd have that luxury.

Don't misunderstand the arrangement here, though. Having help one day a week doesn't mean I sit around the rest of the week eating bon-bons and watching Dr. Phil. I still have plenty of household responsibilities to keep me busy. It does, however, mean I have someone who is guaranteed to catch the things I've routinely overlooked. Like baseboards. And blinds. And changing the sheets as often as they should be changed.

The truth is, now that I've gotten a taste of having someone to help around the house, I'd gladly sacrifice meat from my diet to be able to afford having her come clean our house. I'd limit myself to buying one pair of shoes a year. (Okay...maybe 2?)

Because homeschooling a preschooler, a kindergartener, and taking care of a brand-new baby after a C-section while maintaining some kind of order in this house is beginning to look overwhelming to me. Even with better living through pharmaceuticals.

So, when she offered to watch the kids while I ran a quick errand last week it occurred to me that having someone there to help out is pretty irresistible. Though, as it turns out, Thomas isn't so much into the idea of marrying 60-something-year-old women so he wasn't all that tempted. Even if it would save us the money we pay her.

I guess since polygamy is out of the question, I'll stick to paying someone to help me be a better wife and mom. After all I am contributing to the economy that way, right??

What about you? What little luxury to you make room for in your budget that you refuse to do without?

A 'bit of Irish in the Kitchen

In honor of St. Patty's Day (my all-time favorite holiday) I'm making some simple, easy Irish-inspired dishes for dinner and thought I'd share the recipes!

The Soda Bread recipe is one I found here at Recipezaar.com. They've got tons of variations on the recipe but I use this one since it is simple and goes well with the Corned Beef & Cabbage dish below.

SODA BREAD

* 6 cups all-purpose flour
* 2 teaspoons baking soda
* 2 teaspoons baking powder
* 3 tablespoons cornstarch
* 2 teaspoons sugar
* 1 teaspoon salt
* 2 1/2 cups buttermilk

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
2. Add all of the dry ingredients in a large bowl and mix well.
3. Add all of buttermilk at once and stir until soft dough forms.
4. It might be a little lumpy, but don't worry about it at this point. Pour contents of bowl out onto the counter and knead for a minute or so until blended.
5. Divide dough into two portions and shape each portion into a round loaf, with lightly flattened tops.
6. Put loaves on large ungreased baking sheet, preferably the nonstick kind.
7. Sprinkle some additional flour on top of each loaf and with a sharp knife, cut a cross in two slashes across the top of each loaf.
8. Let the loaves sit for 10 minutes and bake for 40 minutes, or until golden brown.

Makes 2 loaves.

CORNED BEEF & CABBAGE SOUP

1 head of cabbage cut into chunks
olive oil
1 small box penne pasta
4 cups chicken broth
1 cup water
1 can corned beef, chopped (I think it could use 2 cans, but I've only ever made it with one)
fresh carrots, sliced

Heat oil in stock pot. Add cabbage and cook 2 minutes. Add broth and water. Add carrots and corned beef. Simmer 20 minutes. Add pasta. Cook until tender. Salt to taste.

There you have it! The "Irish" menu I'm tackling this week. Head over to 5 Minutes for Mom to see what other moms are tackling this week!

Kai-versations: You had me at **sniff**

What I love about kids is how unexpectedly sweet they can be sometimes. Kai sometimes blindsides me with something so precious and sincere that I just don't know what to say.

The other day, out of the blue, she came up and put her face on my cheek and inhaled loudly. Slightly unnerved, I asked her what she was doing.

"Smelling your cheek," she said very matter of fact.

"Why, Kai?"

"Because it smells so good."

Thinking I'd regret asking this question, I went ahead and asked the obvious.

"What does it smell like?"

"I don't know, like...Mommy."

"What does 'Mommy' smell like?"

Kai thought and thought and looked at me so seriously and said, "You know. Like...Love."

Be still my heart. I sure do love that girl.

On shushing a rooster (and other exercises in futility)

Sometimes I have these moments. You know, moments where I find myself doing something and I am able to imagine how it looks to the outside and I realize that I really am even more ridiculous than I thought.

Yesterday I had one such moment.

It's the chickens, people. They bring out the crazy in me. I swear.

See, we (read: I) just had to get a few more chickens to add to our coop. I wanted 7 dozen eggs a week so we could sell them easily to friends & neighbors. It's fun. And addictive. And, inevitably, crazy inducing.

'Cause when we got the chickens we got two that would be good for setting (not laying). Basically, it means they're smart and they'll make good moms. Just in case we want to, you know, add one more thing to this household for me to keep alive.

But one of these "smart" hens got out the first day. And now she wanders all over our yard. And she taunts the other chickens. And the rooster.

Yesterday, he'd had enough. He decided to let her have it. LOUDLY.

And that is when I decided to try and quiet him. By that I mean, I started shushing him. And, of course, it didn't work. In fact, it made him mad. So he crowed and clucked more. I got down on his level and shushed him more. Then I begged him to be quiet. I mean I really and truly was pleading with him to quiet down. And I tried to give him treats and convince him he didn't really want to make noise that would disturb our neighbors.

It was there, on my knees in the middle of begging & shushing this noisy bird that I saw him. My neighbor. On his deck. Watching me in amusement as I worked so hard to convince this bird to be quiet. And as I failed miserably at accomplishing my goal.

It occurred to me that as ridiculous as I looked this was a scenario that is quite common for me. I am guilty on so many occasions of drawing attention to myself and making a scene in an effort to avoid drawing negative attention. I'm guilty of trying to manipulate situations that are beyond my control and making myself look like a fool in the process. Because, in the end, there really isn't all that much out there I can control. Except (on good days) myself.

And, I wonder what this is teaching my kids? I tell them that they shouldn't worry about what other people think. I tell them to be happy being themselves. And then I go off shushing roosters.

What about you? Have you ever found yourself trying to take control something clearly outside of your control? How do you overcome these urges?

Eclipse: 9 months and counting

Because, people, I know you're dying to see yet another picture of this belly. And I pinky promise in 2 weeks I won't subject you to belly pics again. Ever.

For more Wordless Wednesday head over to 5 Minutes for Mom!

Total Truth Tuesday: Yes, I AM nesting, thankyouverymuch.

Nesting.

Everyone tells you it's a sign of impending labor (whatever that means). What everyone fails to tell you is just how annoying it is to those around you.

Because, people, I am nesting something fierce right now. And my family is paying the price.

I guess for some women nesting involves getting the baby's room ready. For me, it involves obsessively stressing about every single task around the house that has been left unfinished for more than 5 minutes.

I don't know what it is like for most women, but for me it is almost a physical reaction to things left undone. My skin starts to crawl. It's similar to the feeling one gets from drinking the never-ending sweet tea refills at Cracker Barrel until more than 2 gallons of highly caffeinated and sugared tea is coursing through your veins. Not that I've ever done anything like that. That's purely hypothetical.

So, in the past, my nesting efforts have included scrubbing kitchen floors on my hands and knees (twice), buying half a dozen new laundry baskets and over 100 new hangers to organize every single piece of laundry sitting anywhere in our house, buying a carpet cleaning machine and obsessively steaming the carpet since the baby was going to be crawling all over it within 5 minutes of coming home from the hospital, right?

This time my nesting has been more passive aggressive. There are lots of things that need to be done. And, unfortunately for my husband, they are things I can't accomplish on my own. Which means I have to beg, nag, plead, and cajole him into taking the nesting burden upon himself.

He is not amused.

What about you? What is the weirdest (or most expensive) things you've tackled and blamed on nesting?

The Big Switch, Continued

I mentioned a while back that we were switching out Family Room and Dining Room. And, in the process, we decided to change our dining room decor up a bit. We didn't really have much of a decorating scheme in the Dining Room before. It was more of a combination of funky pieces we'd found at antique stores and junk shops. Have I mentioned my love of all things funky, cheesy, and junky? That may be it's own separate post...

Anyway, when we switched things out, we ended up working my love of religious art into the room and used it throughout the room. We're still in the process of collecting enough pieces to give the room the right flavor (if you've ever been to the Pope Room at Buca Di Beppo you've seen where we're going with this) and it might take a while to get it complete. But, in the meantime, check out my favorite part of the room.

My Dining Room mantle:

Before
(when it was actually a Living Room mantle)
Not the best before picture, I'll admit. But, you get the idea.

After

I am pretty excited about the way it turned out. The candles are the $1 candles from Kroger and when lit they smell absolutely heavenly (no pun intended, I swear!).

So, there you have it. My Tuesday Tackle. Go see what other folks are tackling out there over at 5 Minutes for Mom!

Um...really?

Kai-versations: Not exactly the vocab lesson I was going for...

We play this game at our house. Usually it's one of those things we do when we're stuck in the car or we're waiting on food at a restaurant just to fill time with something somewhat "educational."

It's the rhyming game.

Pretty simple game. Nothing new. I say a word and the girls take turns rhyming words with the one I've chosen.

The other day in the car we were playing when I announced the new word we were gonna rhyme with: WORD.

I could think of lots of words to rhyme with it: Bird, Herd, Third. You get the idea.

But, Kai excitedly uttered the one word I never expected. Can you guess it?

Yep, Turd. It came out of nowhere because that is not a word we ever use. Honest. I have lots of other words I shouldn't admit to using and do, but this one just has always grossed me out and never made it into my vocabulary. And I think she was just putting consonants in front of the vowel sound because she didn't seem to know what it meant. Until I started giggling.

I tried hard not to. Really, I did. But something about that moment just caught me off guard and I couldn't stop laughing.

And then she asked what it meant. All I could think to say was that it was a not very nice word for poopy. Which made it of immediate interest to her.

I guess I shouldn't have been surprised later when she said:

"Mom, can we hurry and find a bathroom? I have to go so bad I might just turd in my pants."

Awesome. Seriously, can boys be any worse than this?

What do I do with Snakes, Snails, & Puppy Dog Tails?

As you may have noticed, I have have two girls. Two very girly girls. And I have two sisters. And no younger boy cousins or nephews or godsons. I come from a family packed to the gills with estrogen.

Which means, as D-Day approaches I'm getting more and more nervous about having a boy. Don't get me wrong. I'm really looking forward to this little boy. And I can't wait to start a new baby adventure.

But, boy stuff? That I'm completely unprepared for.

From the simplest of tasks (diaper changes) to the more complicated issues (potty training), I'm just completely at a loss. I've changed all of 2 boy diapers in my twenty-**cough**-something years. I babysat for one boy child. Once. And, I didn't even do that for more than a couple hours.

Can you tell I'm freaking out?

Okay, so here's where the internets bail me out. Tell me, friends, what are your best boy tips and tricks? What do I need to know? What will the baby books fail to tell me?

Wordless Wednesday

I need to remember this image when they're screaming at each other and fighting like cats & dogs. It's proof they really do love each other!


For more Wordless Wednesday, head over to 5 Minutes for Mom!

Total Truth Tuesday -The Belly! Week 36

I was looking at myself in my bedroom mirror the other day and thought, "Hmmm...my belly isn't really all that big. In fact, it's not that big at all!"

A day later I caught a glimpse of myself in a store window and nearly fell over. Apparently, I have a magic mirror at home. Or there is something in the heating ducts causing me to hallucinate. 'Cause the belly? It be huge. HUGE.

Without further ado, I present: The Belly. (Cue scary music)



(BTW, notice how high this kid is sitting?? Is it too much to ask that he drop already? Sheesh!)

And we have a nursery...

I've blogged before about the fact that it was taken me WAY longer to finish this little one's nursery than either of my girls. Partially because things are crazy around here with a pre-schooler and a kindergartener and partially because the boy thing was really stumping me.

But, we finally picked a "theme" and are getting the nursery almost finished. It isn't quite complete and we've still got to add some artwork that Thomas is designing this week, but it has come a LONG way!

Keeping in mind it's still a work in progress, I wanted to share what "we" (read: Thomas) accomplished with painting. Check out the before and after pics:

Before - Kai and Ivy's bedroom

After - T's almost finished nursery!

So, that was my tackle this week. Go check out what other people are tackling for Tackle it Tuesday at 5 Minutes for Mom!

Things I learned the hard way last week

1. 50 feet of 50-year-old cast iron pipes that run completely horizontal in your basement are bound to break when a roto-rooter tries to clear them out.

2. 50 years of food and grime in said pipes does not make your cute yellow Prada make-up bag any cuter. Seriously.

3. Chicken Noodle Soup is not a great meal to give kids in their car seats when you're in a hurry.

4. Kidney stones can, in fact, put a pregnant woman into labor.

5. Doctors don't care that your nursery is ready and you have already washed the necessary onesies. They apparently have more "scientific" ways of determining whether or not to stop labor. (And, boo to that.)

It's snowing?!?

I can't even count the number of snow predictions we've had this winter that never turned into anything but disappointment. So, when the weather man called for snow on March 1st (after a 60 degree day just two days prior) I didn't even bother telling the girls.

And, guess what??

SNOW! In Georgia! In March!







And last, but certainly not least, Kai finally got her wish to make a snowman this year. Sure, he was only about 6" tall and she had to use sunflower seeds for eyes but she was beyond thrilled!

Read Me Days 4 & 5

Okay...so I skipped a day. I'm blaming it on early labor, kidney stones, & the fact that a pipe broke in our basement Wednesday night and left 2" of standing water in my basement closet. It's a good excuse, right?

I knew you'd understand.

So, anyways, here are two books for the last two days of Read Me Week:

See Inside Your Body
by Katie Daynes & Colin King

This book is intended for ages a bit older than my girls, but they love it nonetheless. Kai, in particular, is fascinated by science and biology so this book has been great to explain some of the answers to the questions she comes up with. I love Usborne books because they are so educational but in an interactive way that really engages my kids. It's been a great addition to our homeschool library and I highly recommend it for kids as young as 3 since even Ivy can now recognize some of the body systems and what they do!

For the last book, I asked Kai to pick out her favorite book so I could recommend it and this one is all her choice.

Kai: The Honu Who Didn't Know He Was Brave
by Mora Ebie

This is another great book we picked up on a trip to Hawaii and bought pretty much solely because it had Kai's name in the title. It turns out it is a great book about being brave in scary situations and recognizing when some things just seem scary because of your imagination. I like the little honu (turtle), Kai, because he is a nervous guy in the beginning who finds that he isn't such a scaredy-honu after all and saves his friends by being courageous. It's a great bedtime book for kids of all ages.

So, there you have it 5 of our favorite books to read lately. Here's your last chance to give your recommendations for your favorites kids books! What's next in your kids reading pile?

Read Me Day 3

My girls will be 3 and 5 in the next couple months and we've mostly waited until recently to read chapter books to them. To be honest, I'm not quite sure when the ideal age to start chapter books is, but it just never occurred to me to try until recently.

But, given the success we've had reading these books I think it possible I could have started this much earlier with them. They LOVE listening to these books before bedtime.

For Christmas our good friends, Dewde & Dewdette, gave our girls their new favorite book:

The Tale of Despereaux
by Kate DiCamillo

Do yourself (and your kids) a favor and skip the junior novelization of this book. Our friends gave us the original version and not the "film" version and I'm so glad they did! The vocabulary is a little more complex and it doesn't exactly read like a little kids book but I think that is one of the best things about reading it to little ones. It stretches their understanding of the written word and gives them new words that they might not encounter on a daily basis.

And, oh, the story. We are loving it. Of course, it is another one of those stories that celebrate being unique & reaching for the seemingly impossible and I just think kids can't hear enough that it is okay to be themselves so I loved that. But, other than that, it is just a beautifully written and romantically told story that will be as enjoyable for adults as it is for kids.

We haven't seen the movie yet because we're waiting until we finish the book, but it gives the girls something to look forward to when we're finished reading it.

What literary or children's classic were you thrilled to see your kids enjoy? What are some book selections you've found that can be enjoyed by adults and kids, alike?