Monday, June 23, 2008

Just stick it up your butt. No, really.

I realize daily what a naive mom I actually am. I think I'm all tough and smart and, whatever, and them something like this happens and I realize I am just a big, fat sucker.

See, Kai HATES having her hair washed. Hates it. With a passion. And I know this. But, still, when we are sitting at the dinner table having mentioned it is a hair washing night and she suddenly falls ill with a teeerrriiibbblllle stomach ache what do I do? I believe her.

Of course I ask her repeatedly if this is for real or just a ploy to a.) get Pepto-Bismol (she's suck a med junkie) or b.) get out of washing hair. She assures me it is neither and proceeds to ball up and cry - with real tears - about how much her tummy hurts. So, I do what any good mom would do. I believe her. And I call our friend who is a nurse and ask her what I should do. Because this, I say, seems serious.

She gives me a solution that turns out to be the perfect fix though for reasons other than you might think. After asking a bunch of questions and discussing her day's bowel patterns (or lack thereof) she decides I should try a glycerin suppository. Which, I just happen to have in the medicine cabinet, thank you very much.

And, so I gently go to my precious sobbing writhing miserable 4-year-old and say, "Honey, Ms. Yvonne told me something that is going to make you feel better. I need to give you this medicine." If I'm honest, at this point, I am really worried because Kai is never sick and I'm thinking this must be really bad. Appendicitis bad. Perforated something-or-other bad.

She looks at me pitifully and opens her mouth so I can give her the medicine. And, then I speak the words that have healing powers over my child, "No, honey, this goes in your bottom."


"In my BOTTOM?? No, I feel much better. My tummy says it is feeling much better. I think if we cuddle and watch Blue's Clues for a while I will be fine. How about that? Does that sound good, Mommy? Let's do that. I don't need that in my bottom."

And, it is at that point that I realize: I. have. been. had.

It is equal parts frightening and impressive the lengths my girl went to in order to convince me of the seriousness of her "tummy problems." So I react in the way any good mom would.

I give her the glycerin suppository anyway. And, now, I'm thinking she won't be faking a tummy ache any time in the near future...


Kelsey said...

It is terrible that this made me laugh but it did! I can just see her face when you said you have to put it up her bottom!

Katy said...

I love that you still gave it to her! She'll probably think twice the next time. :o)
Did you wash her hair???

jen said...

oh, you know it. I totally washed her hair. Mom: 1 Kai: 0!

marigold said...

BAH! This had me laughing out loud. Well, you live and learn (you BOTH live and learn!) You won't be had *every* time!

I wonder how the hair washing experience could be made more pleasant? I absolutely love having my own hair washed, it's why I get my hair cut at a salon. Hmmm....

Becky said...

Oh My Gosh! That's awesome!!! I am going to have to remember that one! Ok, but I have to ask, what are glycerine supositories, what are they used for and where can I get some! That's Hilarious!

Love your blog. I just read your WFMW about gas - good ideas. I'm in Atlanta too. Gas prices are getting painful and it's amazing to think we're still one of the lowest states in the country! OUCH!

Rachel said...

man, mrs. yvonne knows her stuff. I wish she offered a parenting for dummies class. I'm seeing a tattoo in my future. It says "SUCKAAAA" and it's on my forehead.

Audra Marie said...

hahahahahahahaha - Way to go mommy!! Too funny. :)

I found you via WFMW and am now following you on Twitter lol. :)