Just stick it up your butt. No, really.

I realize daily what a naive mom I actually am. I think I'm all tough and smart and, whatever, and them something like this happens and I realize I am just a big, fat sucker.

See, Kai HATES having her hair washed. Hates it. With a passion. And I know this. But, still, when we are sitting at the dinner table having mentioned it is a hair washing night and she suddenly falls ill with a teeerrriiibbblllle stomach ache what do I do? I believe her.

Of course I ask her repeatedly if this is for real or just a ploy to a.) get Pepto-Bismol (she's suck a med junkie) or b.) get out of washing hair. She assures me it is neither and proceeds to ball up and cry - with real tears - about how much her tummy hurts. So, I do what any good mom would do. I believe her. And I call our friend who is a nurse and ask her what I should do. Because this, I say, seems serious.

She gives me a solution that turns out to be the perfect fix though for reasons other than you might think. After asking a bunch of questions and discussing her day's bowel patterns (or lack thereof) she decides I should try a glycerin suppository. Which, I just happen to have in the medicine cabinet, thank you very much.

And, so I gently go to my precious sobbing writhing miserable 4-year-old and say, "Honey, Ms. Yvonne told me something that is going to make you feel better. I need to give you this medicine." If I'm honest, at this point, I am really worried because Kai is never sick and I'm thinking this must be really bad. Appendicitis bad. Perforated something-or-other bad.

She looks at me pitifully and opens her mouth so I can give her the medicine. And, then I speak the words that have healing powers over my child, "No, honey, this goes in your bottom."

Silence.

"In my BOTTOM?? No, I feel much better. My tummy says it is feeling much better. I think if we cuddle and watch Blue's Clues for a while I will be fine. How about that? Does that sound good, Mommy? Let's do that. I don't need that in my bottom."

And, it is at that point that I realize: I. have. been. had.

It is equal parts frightening and impressive the lengths my girl went to in order to convince me of the seriousness of her "tummy problems." So I react in the way any good mom would.

I give her the glycerin suppository anyway. And, now, I'm thinking she won't be faking a tummy ache any time in the near future...